extended light

the horizon cracks early

light splinters, spills

evenings extend long

as the sun tarries

unwilling to retire

I am misled

by years of the equality

of African days and nights

unable to read the hours

dinners are late

as we too,unwilling

to miss a moment

soak in the fullness of time

sunset to sunset

from sunset to sunset

days slip fast away

pain steals my time

yet I pray no twinge

no gasp, no tear

is wasted

use this as You will, Lord

use this as You must

but let it not be in vain

If you will receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, 

God will make you nourishment for other people.

Oswald Chambers

time slips

As time slips through our fingers

more quickly than sand

it often feels like madness

in attempts to grasp

what we are learning 

is not ours to hold. 

It is not without limit

days, even hours are numbered.

This then, is why we have returned

to the people and the work God has ordained for us

to not waste what is precious and fleeting

I remain willing

to be willing

a tool in His hand

 

not mine

time is all at once

too fast, too slow

I have not yet adjusted

to the new truth

that time is not my own

it never was

thoughts that I possessed

anything at all

were mere illusion

more stones to drop

slipping through loose fingertips

not to leave a trail to follow back

but simply to release excess

weight or ties that hinder

every bit I let go of

teaches me

how vast the store

still in my grasping

hands and heart

enough to sink a spirit 

yearning to float 

free

joining Kelli where the rhythms are His alone

 

lessons in December

The month of December is coming to a close, and with it another year shall end, this one even quicker than those that came before.  I will take time to reflect on what 2013 taught me as the new year begins.  But for today, I'm joining in at Emily's to share what December had to teach.

I learned - time doesn't take away the ache of missing Mom.  The pain may not be as jagged or acute, but the empty space in my heart is chronic.

I learned - the tighter I attempt to hold time, the faster it escapes.  Holidays pile up in a heap, one after another, year after year after year.  The speed blurs the memories.

I learned - there is still much more of me than I want or need.  Surrender continues as day by day I again attempt to lay down my self and step into Him.

I learned - by some peculiar mind twist, an artificial fire crackling on a flat screen television can indeed make the whole house feel much warmer.  With the temperatures plummeting to -35 here this is useful knowledge.

I learned - parts of my heart are already saying goodbye to this Canadian life and stepping forward into the unknown, into Africa, preparing for the multitude of lessons still to learn.

come see what others have shared at Emily's

 

first glance

time once again seems to have donned wings

was it already a week ago

that I caught my first glance

of the river?

here

back in the chill winds

my spirit whispers

change

in ways I don't yet understand

something caught

held, reflected

by water I have not

touched or tasted

but breathed

 

surrendering time

I want what I want

that is the nature of my flesh

not only what I want

but when I want it

notice the want

notice the I in every statement

I worry about things happening too quickly

I worry about delays

I worry I will be early

or late

notice the worry

and He says

peace, be still

do you trust me not?

I've got this

to move into My plans

release not only your will

surrender time

Day 9 of 31 Days of Surrender







walking with Emily and the imperfect

 

at this moment

This has been a season of impatience, of learning to wait, of trying to keep worry and uncertainty from boiling over.

We are waiting to hear where our Operation Mobilization assignment might be so that we can begin to pray and plan and build a support team.  Scenarios buzz and flutter in my mind through the day and in the night.

We are beginning the major renovation of our bathroom.  Lists of things that must be done, both large scale and detailed zip through my thoughts through the night and in the day.

And my heart and mind conclude:  I can't do this.

But God.  Always, but God.

I sat with my journal open this morning to hear what He would say:

I will place in your hands what you need for the moment
not sooner, or later
for My timing is My timing
and perfect in itself

this is why you awoke with the French word maintenant
used to mean now
the literal meaning is from main=hand and tenant=holding
the time you are holding in your hand

now is where you are
now is where I Am
hold Me as I Am holding you

walking with the broken yet redeemed at Emily's

 

Right here, right now

there is much I have left behind

shaken off like an extra layer of clothing

useless and heavy in the heat

I don't spend much time 

looking back

pressing forward, ever forward

like Paul urged us

Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; 

but this one thing I do: 

forgetting what lies behind 

and straining forward to what lies ahead, 

I press on toward the goal 

for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus 

Philippians 3:13-14 RSV

yet that forward thrust

leaves me missing this moment

right here, right now

the gift of the present

a breath inhaled

then gone

we have answered God's call

agreeing as one

here we are Lord, send us

paperwork completed

we pray, we wait

attempts to silence the questions

fall short

as my mind grinds on

where? when?

feeling like those who wait for a child to adopt

checking email, again and again and yes, again

maybe the phone will ring

or something at the post office...

and today slips away again into yesterday

left behind

joining Lisa-Jo where the prompt is present

 

Eight things I learned in June

At Chatting at the Sky Emily Freeman posted the following:

At the end of each month I like to share a few things I've learned. Sometimes it’s educational and informative but usually not. Usually I've discovered a quirk I didn't know I had or a fascinating-to-me celebrity connection. It’s a mishmash of ordinary life stuff, things that may go unnoticed if I didn't decide to write them down. This month, at the suggestion of a reader, I decided to invite you all to share what you learned in June as well.

So here's my few cents with links back to the posts where my thoughts wandered.

I learned:

the old must be removed to allow for new growth: cultivation

I need to let go to allow God to do His work: open hands

living in the middle of the rainbow is where all the beauty shines: here, now, middle

there is beauty in imperfection: windy free

nothing will stop time but it is in His hands: slippery time

grief has its own schedule: two months gone

we are not meant to stand alone: two are better than one

there is something stronger than darkness: there is a light

Joining Emily at Chatting at the Sky where we're all learning
 

Slippery time

We are past the midway mark in June.  

Morning wakes before I do and light lingers deep into the night.  

It seems like only yesterday there was snow 

covering places now green 

ablaze with the delight of flowers.

Time feels so slippery, impossible to hold.

Journal open today, the Lord spoke to this:

Days will come.

Days will go.

You can do nothing to stop time.

Watch. Listen. Each moment has its reason.

I build moment on moment like brick upon brick.

I have the master plan that you cannot see.

And I, yes I, must remain the chief cornerstone of anything that is built

or it falls in time to nothing

or less than nothing.

What I Am saying is having those things

that don't contain Me

are more dangerous than not having anything.

Watch. Listen.

Keep Me in the middle of it all.

He will be the sure foundation for your times, 

a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; 

the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure. 

Isaiah 33:6 NIV

walking with Emily and the broken beloved ones
 

Taking back time

We are only given 60 minutes in each hour
24 hours in each day
7 days in each week
and minutes tick on
and hours flash past
days and weeks hurry on
and it feels like life just slips away...

Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is.You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath. Psalm 39:4-5 NLT

The beginning of a new year is useful as a time to reflect and pray and plan, a time to put aside bad habits replacing them with something better.  I pondered ways I could take back fleeting time and decided to take a break from playing computer games.

This should have been easy, but habits grow deep.  It felt like my fingers wanted to press keyboard keys, and without a tight reign on my hands I would have clicked to open game boards without even thinking.

It has been more than a month.  I have more time to read, more time to write, more time for real connection with the people God places in my path.  I can't say I don't miss the games, or that I won't ever return to a bit of play now and then, but I am rejoicing that I have moved beyond the automatic, mindlessness of habitual play.

I can't add a minute to the time God has portioned for me, but I can choose to use what He has given in ways that best bring glory to His name.

linking up with Peter today as we talk about habits

 

Need for slow...

It seems as if we just left home

and already we have begun our return 

time blurs

like the coloured lights 

we drive by too fast

I am seeking slow

time at His feet

the sweet scent of nothing

 

While you may...

Today I feel fragmented and scattered

my heart is listening:

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may

from To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time by Robert Herrick

and my spirit hears:

Seek, inquire for, and require the Lord

while He may be found

[claiming Him by necessity and by right];

call upon Him while He is near.

Isaiah 55:5 Amplified

and time stands still and runs away all at once

and I think that trust is often more like this fragile flower

than something hardened

and I will seek

and I will inquire for

and surely I require Him

for every choice, for every breath

and faith is the knowing

that He Is here

 

Losing time

Tomorrow will be summer
again, and it seems
I have just packed away Christmas.

Time is slipping through my fingers
faster than I can ask
where have the hours gone
the days, months, years?

Soon vegetables shall ripen
in the garden that seems just seeded
and I will be about the task
of preserving the harvest
in freezer bags, jars of spicy recipes
quickly, before snow flies
again.

Yet even this worrying has no use.
Perhaps I was never meant to hold time
but let go, let Him
do as He wills
when He wills
He always has
He always shall...

Yes indeed, it won't be long now." God's Decree. Things are going to happen so fast your head will swim, one thing fast on the heels of the other. You won't be able to keep up. Everything will be happening at once—and everywhere you look, blessings! Blessings like wine pouring off the mountains and hills
Amos 9:13 The Message

Joining Jennifer rejoicing in what is never coincidence

and walking in community with Emily and the imperfect

 

Let go to hold on

I keep trying to grasp hold of time

and the intro to the old soap opera repeats in my brain

"like sand through an hourglass, so are the days of our lives"

I keep trying to grasp hold

I keep trying to

grasp

and it slips

slips faster

my fingers stretched tight

strained, tension cramping every fibre

yet in the Kingdom of my citizenship

the place that seems so twisted,

upside down

when compared to this world
I have so much to learn

for here
one must let go
to hold on

trying to grasp hold

of anything

but Him

is like attempting

to trap

the wind

and He is always

here, right here

in my hand

in my heart

no stretch, no strain

palms open

breathe

 

Sharing with Jennifer and others who see His hand moving...