dumbstruck

 

I am here

merely dumbstruck

for a season, but

holding space

for words return

One Word 2018 - Wait

not a word I would have chosen

not me, the mistress of impatience

who wants the answers

yesterday

to remain stationary in readiness or expectation

remain in readiness for a purpose

a word to unpack through 2018

as I seek health related answers

as I plan for transitions

as He reveals more

I will share

for now, this is

what He has given 

the cup of waiting

I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord; 

and He inclined to me and heard my cry.

Psalm 40:1 Amplified

psalm 12

psalm 12

I have been quiet, compliant

not wishing to disturb 

as if You did not already know

my heart songs

the deep, low wail of distress

questions build upon questions

ever seeking the answer

that would obliterate the need

for more discussion, yet

I hear, more than enough

the expected reply  “wait”

the ache rushes in, the sad sinking

“how long then?” my lament

 is sharp, cold, bitter

“how long?” David also queried

and waited, aching, lamenting

yet choosing to turn, I will also turn

my back to the wall 

and the wind, and the wail

and I will worship, yes worship

until…

wait

When you feel lost, little one

think of how much time 

you have wandered from My presence

you have no sense of direction 

without Me

you have no strength

without Me

for this is how I created you

to need me for every step

walking alone, in your own power

you wither and fade

faint in body, mind and spirit

I Am calling you back

to My Word

to My heart

stop trying to run

trying to walk

trying to crawl

before first being still

in Me

wait…

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, does not faint or grow weary; there is no searching of His understanding. He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength [causing it to multiply and making it to abound]. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and [selected] young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted; But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.  
Isaiah 40:28-31 Amplified

 

Ending. Beginning.

What we call the beginning is often the end. 

And to make an end is to make a beginning. 

The end is where we start from. 

T. S. Eliot

I am closing a door.

I am opening a door.

The pattern of change continues.

Day follows day.

God leads, waits.

My part is to follow.

waiting in the quiet place with Sandy

and abiding with Cheryl

 

While you may...

Today I feel fragmented and scattered

my heart is listening:

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may

from To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time by Robert Herrick

and my spirit hears:

Seek, inquire for, and require the Lord

while He may be found

[claiming Him by necessity and by right];

call upon Him while He is near.

Isaiah 55:5 Amplified

and time stands still and runs away all at once

and I think that trust is often more like this fragile flower

than something hardened

and I will seek

and I will inquire for

and surely I require Him

for every choice, for every breath

and faith is the knowing

that He Is here