the melody

my muscles, joints

do not agree with the cold

every fibre aching

as I cried out

this is how the Lord responded

when the pain sings

listen to the melody

and find Me there

in the low notes

the long wails

staccato beat

you will hear My voice

draw your strength

from My presence

do not allow the pain

to speak words of exclusion

or disqualification

you are always welcome

in the secret place

come away

abide in Me

a finger on it

I can't quite put a finger on it

to quote an old cliche

I carry the emotions

given to me, full force by my Creator

often swept away

cresting waves then

crashing, gulping water instead 

of air, my head submerged

He gives me hills

and valleys, both

to  be savoured

physical pain, shifts

surprising me, in new 

locations, disguises

tones and echos, almost

symphonic in fullness

always its finger on me

unrelenting grip, does this

hurt? how about here?

He gives me hills 

and valleys, both

but dwells with me

up there and down here

 Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; 

do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; 

yes, I will hold you up and retain you 

with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.

Isaiah 41:10 Amplified

awake with me

sleepy morning

after a night of discomfort

coffee steaming in my hand

I listened for words from the Lord

I Am with you in your pain, never are you alone

the aching in the dark, when the world sleeps?

I Am awake with you.

My promise is true to never leave or forsake you

even when you don't understand, or believe

and cry out "where are you?"

Here, always, knowing what I know.

Be still, little one, give Me the pain.

It's what I can bear when you cannot.

sunset to sunset

from sunset to sunset

days slip fast away

pain steals my time

yet I pray no twinge

no gasp, no tear

is wasted

use this as You will, Lord

use this as You must

but let it not be in vain

If you will receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, 

God will make you nourishment for other people.

Oswald Chambers

One Word 2018 - Wait

not a word I would have chosen

not me, the mistress of impatience

who wants the answers

yesterday

to remain stationary in readiness or expectation

remain in readiness for a purpose

a word to unpack through 2018

as I seek health related answers

as I plan for transitions

as He reveals more

I will share

for now, this is

what He has given 

the cup of waiting

I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord; 

and He inclined to me and heard my cry.

Psalm 40:1 Amplified

my thorn

don’t call me courageous

that title belongs to those 

who make a choice

to move, or take action

brave? not me

there is nothing I have done

but breathe, or gasp

eyes briefly shut

till the worst of it passes 

dauntless? no

I have simply survived

another moment

another day

 so I wouldn’t get a big head, 

I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. 

Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. 

No danger then of walking around high and mighty! 

At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. 

Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.

My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:7-9 The Message