31 October 2013

surrender never ends

I have taken a journey this month
spent thirty-one days 
diving into the pool of
open hands
open heart
barely breaking the tension
of the surface
of water much deeper
than first imagined
I still find myself gasping
for air, even knowing
He Is my breath
sink or swim
He teaches me
that all things
even letting go
are possible 
through Him
in Him
surrender never ends

if you have traveled with me this month, 
what have you learned?

Day 31 of 31 Days of Surrender

30 October 2013

leaves transformed

leaves once exploding with life
gave up their green
for coats of gold
crimson, orange
a transformation we witness
year after year after 
life appears to change
yet the leaves
are still leaves
until they surrender
their connection to the tree
then comes the true
as in death they become
nutrition to the soil
food for new life to come

might I be the same
releasing my grip
on who I am
to become 
who He desires me to be

Listen carefully: 
Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world,
 it is never any more than a grain of wheat. 
But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. 
In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. 
But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal 

Day 30 of 31 Days of Surrender

and walking with Emily in my imperfection


29 October 2013

surrendering recognition

I order words
one after
the other
on pages, screens
tools of a trade
familiar to all
who paint with letters

thoughts, phrases
knock and burn
with the need
for release

we long to be heard
read, known

and yet
if I claim to be
a pen surrendered
to His hand
than you need not
know me
at all

let me be invisible
as silver glass
a mirror to
reflect His glory

Day 29 of 31 Days of Surrender

hanging at the bar with the poets


28 October 2013

not about me

It isn't about me
never has been about me
even the thought 
that it might be about anything other than Him
blocks the total surrender He seeks

in May of 2012 I posted the following
and again I say Yes, Lord!

I am in a continual process of surrender
shaving off bits and pieces of my self
offering them to be consumed, 
saved for later, or cast aside
Use whatever You can
I murmur to my Lord
Leave what You don't need
lying by the side of the road
but take the rest of me
I am willing to be willing
With confidence I pray
I will go anywhere
I will do anything
for I belong to You
knowing it is not my strength
but Yours
so I am both reconciled and bold
as days, weeks, months and years
pile one upon the other
fear wiggles in
a familiar enough voice 
sounding very much like my own says
What if He has no use for you at all?
it sends a shiver through my spirit
for yes, I want my life to count for somethin
In my trembling and confession
I hear a voice more solid
even as He whispers

It isn't about your life
When you go, and go you will,
it will be all about Me

Day 28 of 31 Days of Surrender


27 October 2013

surrendering uncertainty

The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith; 
and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety. 
George Müller

When I look at the budget set before me
and the financial support goals that must be met
in honesty I must admit my flesh trembles
yet I know I must surrender
fear, anxiety, uncertainty
to my God 
Who already has it planned

I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief! 

Day 27 of 31 Days of Surrender


26 October 2013

night surrenders to day

even night must learn 
the art of surrender
for no matter how deep
the darkness
light returns
giving birth to morning
a new day

quiet in the holy hush of sunrise

Day 26 of 31 Days of Surrender

savoring the stillness at Pollywog Creek

25 October 2013

surrendering alone

I was single for the first 43 years of my life
I did things my own way
in my own time
no need to consult someone else
toss, tussle and compromise

then I met my Lord
and He led me to my beloved husband
and I began the process of surrendering alone
to learn what it meant to live together

with God's love and grace
we melded into the one
that means husband and wife

as a couple
we do things our own way
in our own time
no need to consult anyone else
toss, tussle and compromise

until now....

we have to surrender our alone
for a new way of living together with others
we couldn't be more excited
or terrified
surrendered into His hands and plans

please take a moment to read the big news

Day 25 of 31 Days of Surrender

Five Minute Friday linking with Lisa-Jo talking about together

the big news

I have been waiting, not quite patiently, to fully share all that is happening in our lives. I have hinted here and there but have not disclosed.

Now is the time!

The first snow of the year has already fallen. We have been doing the tasks that make us ready for the change of seasons; cleaning up the gardens, taking down the hanging flower baskets and switching to snow tires on our vehicle.

Winter seems to be here, but while our bodies are adjusting to the cold, our hearts are preparing for a warmer climate. This will be our last Canadian winter before following God's call to surrender to a missions based life.

Our estimated departure date is August 2014. Six years ago, for a very brief time, our feet were coated with the red dirt of Uganda. Now our thoughts are turning toward Malawi.

Malawi is a landlocked country in central Africa, best known for beautiful Lake Malawi and for its friendly and open hearted people. The country is quite mountainous, and is bordered by Zambia, Mozambique and Tanzania.

85% of rural population lives in poverty, surviving on less than one US dollar a day, yet most inhabitants are business minded, thinking of creative ways to gain incomes.

Malawi is an agricultural country and its people are eager farmers. 12 Million people live there and most are self-sustaining farmers. After a severe drought in 2005 which depleted the soil, the president of Malawi increased fertilizer subsidies. In 2007 Malawi actually started exporting food !

Operation Mobilization Malawi is in the process of purchasing a piece of land and the plan is to have an agricultural training program.

Through this project, OM Malawi will be able to:

  • Provide food for it’s own use, as well as to sell to earn income for the ministries of OM Malawi
  • Provide training to the local community
  • Have a platform to teach biblical principles and reach people with gospel of Jesus Christ.

Rick is more than anxious to get his hands dirty, finally using the education and experience he gleaned years ago. I will be writing and involved in many other tasks. We are excited to be able to be involved in such a groundbreaking venture!

God knows each step He desires us to take along the way.  I pray that in our listening, we hear and follow.


24 October 2013

surrender to the breaking

I have, we have
all been broken by the world
shards scrape and cut
we bleed

but to be broken
by His hand
there is sweetness
in that pain

do not run from it
run to it
heart open in surrender

Day 24 of 31 Days of Surrender


23 October 2013

surrendering the fight

I have long wanted
what I wanted
when I wanted
how I wanted
after all, I had rights
things I was certain I deserved
and didn't God promise
to prosper me
to give me the desires 
of my heart?
my spirit fought
what was
wishing for what wasn't

what about my dreams?
my ideas? my, my, my....

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

I am choosing
with deliberate intention
to give up the fight
for what I might see 
as perfect plans
that I might desire
what He desires
surrendering to ways
far beyond my own imagination
and thoughts so much higher than my own
that I can't quite grasp them

Day 23 of 31 Days of Surrender

and joining Emily in all my imperfection


22 October 2013

Surrender like Esther

from the work of Lilian Broca
Esther was asked to live dangerously for the sake of her people.  Her very life was on the line if she went to speak to the King without being summoned.  She wanted to choose a simpler and safer way… but her uncle Mordechai reminded her:

For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from elsewhere, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this and for this very occasion? Esther 4:14 Amplified

Esther chose the way of the Lord, the way of surrender. She didn't know what the outcome would be.  She didn't know the mind of the King.  But she did know her God. She chose to trust Him even when her rational mind could only see danger. She sent this message back to Mordechai:

Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast for me; and neither eat nor drink for three days, night or day. I also and my maids will fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law; and if I perish, I perish.  Esther 4:16 Amplfied

Esther did not perish and in her choice to surrender her own safety her people were saved.  God rewarded her obedience.

I’m reminded of a favourite song, People on their Knees by Tracy Rahn:

No more wasting time
The days are nearly over
The Groom is quickly coming
He greets us with a kiss
And proclaims you have been chosen
For such a time as this
I chose to follow You
Forsaking all I know
I’m taking up my cross
And if I die, I die
To find my life in You
O Lord this is my cry

Will you join me in prayer? A simple, powerful and scary prayer? Tell Him with a sincere heart:

Lord, to find my life in You, I will do whatever You ask.

Day 22 of 31 Days of Surrender


21 October 2013

every bit of me

my breath, my thoughts
my going out and my coming in
my ordinary
for His extraordinary
to be clay in His hands
shaped as He wills
however peculiar that may appear
to the world
He sees the diamond
in the coal black lump
the perfection in my mess
the mosaic of brokenness
safe in His hands
this is my desire
this is my surrender

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:1-2 The Message

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:1-2 NIV

Day 21 of 31 Days of Surrender


20 October 2013

surrendering to change

The first snow has landed 
lightly on our land
all is covered with a dusting of white
I would grab hold of Autumn
wishing it to linger
but why whisper such a futile prayer
change is upon us
there is no profit in fighting
all is simply preparation
for a bigger change ahead
help me be a willing student
and learn my lessons well

He sends his command to the earth;
    his word runs swiftly.
He spreads the snow like wool
    and scatters the frost like ashes

Day 20 of 31 Days of Surrender


19 October 2013

surrendering words

in the silence
your breath is a prayer
as morning settles long and slow
lay down then
the need for words
be still
I Am

Day 19 of 31 Days of Surrender

and seeking the stillness at Patricia's today


18 October 2013

surrendering communication

we have chosen to live 
in the wilds
surrounded by woods, fields
sky, space and silence
I breathe free here
but there is a cost
the trees block signals
from cell towers
texts and calls rarely come through
until I am away from home
this is why we have a land-line
an umbilical cord
of connection
to the world

effective until something
like mice nibbling 
in the junction box
almost a mile away
this has happened two or
three times over the years
and likely the cause
of our current
lack of service

I can't call out
no one can call in
and my cell signal
is almost

I have grumbled
complained, pouted
frustration simmering hot
chipping away at nerves
I must find my peace
in surrender
giving up easy access
to anyone but Him
Who always hears
always listens
only a thought away

Then you will call on me 
and come and pray to me, 
and I will listen to you.

Day 18 of 31 Days of Surrender

17 October 2013

silent hopes and dreams

This is a song that I first heard in the early months of my rebirth.
It has never lost its impact.
There is always more to surrender, more to daily release.
God grant me the grace to follow hard after you.

I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand

In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory till I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours

I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires that all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain

So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise

I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
Well I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires that all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known
Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire
If all I have is all that You desire
I surrender all

I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires that all my kingdoms fall
That all my kingdoms fall, that all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

Songwriters: Hamm and Moffitt

Day 17 of 31 Days of Surrender


16 October 2013

give in to the fog

For now we see through a glass, darkly; 
but then face to face: 
now I know in part; 
but then shall I know even as also I am known. 

so much I can not see clearly
squinting into the light
staring at deep darkness
fighting through haze
to know what I am not yet
to know

all of the questions rattle
who? what? where?
when? why?
but I believe I found 
the secret
to the how?

surrender to the fog
in faith
that He knows
all that I do not
and will sharpen my vision
with His own
in His time

patience then
have your way with me

Day 16 of 31 Days of Surrender 

plus walking with Emily in imperfection