no excuses left

a dog for my feet

under the desk I listed as a need

laptop, coffee, water

Bible, journals, highlighters and pens

a good chair for my aching back

sun through the window

even on this cold winter's day

I have feathered my nest

my excuses have vanished

and yet....

words play hide and seek

just a breath away

patience, He whispers

patience

One Word 2018 - Wait

not a word I would have chosen

not me, the mistress of impatience

who wants the answers

yesterday

to remain stationary in readiness or expectation

remain in readiness for a purpose

a word to unpack through 2018

as I seek health related answers

as I plan for transitions

as He reveals more

I will share

for now, this is

what He has given 

the cup of waiting

I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord; 

and He inclined to me and heard my cry.

Psalm 40:1 Amplified

the fullness

Stillness is a decision 

in spite of the world's standards of being, 

despite its assaults, pressures, and norms 

- a bold way of loving one another 

through a posture of peace, balance, and patience.

Dave Harrity - Making Manifest

finding clarity in the silence

joy in the small things

inhaling the fullness 

of His presence

 I settle, here

now

in the stillness with Sandy

 

sharp edges

cold leaves me

brittle, too close 

to the edge of 

breaking, when what I

seek is unity

wholeness, to be 

a welcoming place

not these fractures

splintered, sharp to the

touch, come near and 

you leave bleeding

if I claim

innocence, lack of

foul intent, the flow

of pain continues

unhindered, hot

and raw

so let me own this

and ask you now

for grace, forgiveness

patience, that you wait

with me for warmer days

hanging out at the pub with the poets
 

Broken patience

what fruit bear I

on frosted morns

fingers stiff

ankles wailing

eyes weary 

of the white expanse

Spring seems no closer now 

than weeks before

do I snark

at calendar pages

accuse them of bright lies

as yet the cold drips in

icing my broken patience

taking my place at the bar with the rest of the poets

 

Winter lingers

Facebook and Twitter messages flash on my screen, 

telling me of seeds planted, buds appearing, 

blossoms beginning to thrive. 

Such is March in the lives of many.

I have chosen life on the Canadian prairies, 

western Manitoba, 

where snow falls early and stays late.  

The flakes first appear in early October 

and can fall fresh in mid-May.

This is home.

The long winters teach lessons in patience and hope.  

We flip through seed catalogues, 

water the indoor plants 

and believe in what we cannot yet see.

Faith means ·being sure [the assurance; or the tangible reality; 

or the sure foundation] of the things we hope for 

and ·knowing that something is real even if we do not see it

[the conviction/assurance/evidence about things not seen]. 

Hebrews 11:1 Expanded Bible


Linking up with Lisa-Jo today

 

Pour out

I sat in the quiet of the morning before sunrise, surrendering my day, yet uncertain about how much of my self remains in control.

I opened my journal to record what He would share:

Trust that I Am leading you.

Remain open and aware of all I place in front of you.  

What appears to be an obstacle may be your greatest opportunity.

Poverty shows up with many faces.  

Be sensitive to the poor in spirit for their needs are great.

Pour out grace.

Pour out patience.

Pour out love.

I did.  I do.   I always will.

Abiding with Cheryl

Seeking quiet with Sandy

 

Confessions of a reformed chameleon

Image found at 
http://facinatingamazinganimals.wordpress.com/2012/07/01/visits-from-a-chameleon-other-animals/ 

In my younger years I did not know who I was. I seemed to have no identity of my own. Convinced that I was in some way defective I sought the approval of others.  If someone, anyone, thought I was okay then maybe I was good enough after all.

For the sake of fitting in I could change my words and actions so fast that a chameleon would swoon with envy.  Certainly all the colours were beautiful, but it was exhausting trying to keep track of who I was with each person I knew.  I was terrified of having my friends together in one place and having to try to be just one me.  My life moved along in a blur, seeming unreal because I was not real.

Dictionary.com defines sincere as follows:

adjective, sin·cer·er, sin·cer·est.
1. free of deceit, hypocrisy, or falseness; earnest: a sincere apology.
2. genuine; real: a sincere effort to improve; a sincere friend.
3. pure; unmixed; unadulterated.
4. Obsolete . sound; unimpaired

How could I be genuine if I didn't even know who I was?

Then I met the One Who created me, Who had waited with exquisite patience for me to open my eyes and heart to Him.  No longer was I a defective mistake but instead a woman of grand design; chosen before time began, perfected by His Spirit in me.  In the years that followed He has continued to release me from the need of man's approval.  I am free to simply be.

Real. Genuine.  Free of deceit.  Pure, unadulterated me.  I am a living, breathing example of WYSIWYG what you see is what you get. Many are not sure what to do with me. Often bold, sometimes brash, seeking courage when fear sneaks in.  I will tell you what I think as my heart opens to pour out what I feel.

I expect the same from others.  Sadly, I am more than often disappointed.  I pray that all would step into the freedom I have found.

To breathe in, breathe out and be who you are.

Joining Peter and the rest talking about the word sincere

To be like Faith

Our dog Faith had an encounter with a porcupine.  We did not hear or see what happened, only the results. We can only assume she tried to bite the creature for she had a mouth full of quills embedded in her jaw, lips, her top palette and even one in her tongue.

Rick moved quickly into action while I had a bit of a freak-out.  He ran down to the basement for side cutters and pliers.  He said if you cut the quill tips it releases the trapped air and they are easier to pull out.  To me, the task seemed impossible, but with patience and love Rick kept Faith (and me) as calm as he could, removing quills one at a time.  With each one he yanked out more became visible. I imagined that we would have to take her to the vet to be sedated.  Her mouth was bloody and she squirmed, whined and tried to bite, all the while looking at Rick trusting that he would make things better.

I had to help with the last and most difficult quills, those in the roof of her mouth and her tongue.  Rick grasped her jaw, keeping her mouth open while I used the pliers and pulled. These hurt and she yelped with each extraction.  When the last was finally out, she danced, wiggled and licked us.  As for me, I broke down in tears, thanking God and thanking Rick, relieved that it was over.  Her mouth seems to be a bit tender but she is in all other ways back to her normal happy self.

The next morning, as I opened my journal to hear what the Lord would share, He said:

Just as you could not turn away from your beloved dog when she was troubled and in pain, so too do I attend to your cries, little one.  Even when your struggles are the consequence of your own foolish actions I Am here to help and to heal.

When you get dirty I wash you clean.  I bathe your wounds and lavish you with My love.

Do you have the same blind trust in Me that Faith has in you?

She knows you are for her, not against her and runs to you, not from you.

Now - do likewise.

What then shall we say to [all] this? If God is for us, who [can be] against us? [Who can be our foe, if God is on our side?] Romans 8:31 Amplified



Happy to be back joining Emily and the broken redeemed

 

What can I say?

This week, Bonnie asks us:

If you were to write a letter to God, what would you ask of him — what would you say?

I am in the habit of sitting with Jesus most mornings, journal open, asking what He wants to say to me.  I then write what I sense Him sharing. I am accustomed to remaining silent to listen, so to reach out to Him with my words feels odd.

Lord God
What can I possibly say that You do not already know?
Every beat of my heart, every breath was planned by You.
I know what I want
You know what I need.
I get lost and You are the One Who finds me,
again and again and again.
Your eyes remain on us all
even the wild one I wrote to last week
who denied You, turning instead to ways of the world
craving and seeking in dark corners
refusing the light.
What I can say to thank patience like that?

Can you fill me with that kind of love
love that waits
keeping eyes, arms and heart open
free from judgement and bitterness?

Lord God
help me continue to surrender
to let all things in me die that are not You
that more of You would live in me
that the world would know
and the world would see
for Your glory alone.



Joining Bonnie this week writing to our God

 

Relentless Pursuit by Ken Gire

I had not heard of Ken Gire until I was given the opportunity to read Relentless Pursuit: God's Love of Outsiders, Including the Outsider in All of Us.

The back cover teases:

The Marginalized and the Ostracized; the Sinner and the Loner; You, Me... and Jesus.  We're all outsiders sometimes. Each of us has felt lonely in a crowd, or been passed over for a job opportunity, or been squeezed out by "friends." We've all spent time on the outside looking in. But take heart--Jesus will leave the ninety-nine just for you.

Now that I am numbered with the ninety-nine I sometimes forget the patience and passion Jesus spent to draw me and capture me.  As Gire shows us through tales directly from God's Word, Jesus, The Hound of Heaven (as portrayed by poet Francis Thompson) does not ever stop His chase.  Whenever there is the tiniest fragment of our heart that wanders the pursuit begins again.

I felt afresh the love of God as I turned each page.  I needed this book.  We all need this book.

Included after each chapter are questions to ponder that I believe would make for a great group study as well as personal reflection.

As I mentioned above, this was the first of Ken Gire's books I have read.  I will surely not be the last.

I was blessed to receive a free copy of this book from Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group.  The opinions I have expressed are my own.


 

Not quite Spring

It is again a time of waiting
Spring drifts in skittish
her fragrance lingers
only brief moments
before taking flight

taste and see
taste and see
sweet mingles spice
yet He Is good

rain chills the air
refusing to fall
new growth awaits
the water
and the warm

each page I turn
speaks of surrender
letting go
letting Him

while the April winds sing

patience is a lesson that takes a lifetime to learn...

Noticing Him everywhere with Jennifer




and Emily



 

What's beyond?

Can I reach beyond what I already know. Can I release my imagination, allow it to expand? I know that I know that God is much bigger than my thoughts of Him, and that life is in His hands. I want to move into the new things He is creating, walk paths He has chosen. Already I have lived through things I never could have dreamed of ... and more waits around each corner.

May I have the patience to wait until He says go and the obedience to move without question. There is a history behind me, of failures and successes, hurts and triumphs, laughter and tears. There is also the taste and touch and smell of this present moment, the realness of what I can hold in my hand – just now.

Yet there is more. There is the beyond that I can not perceive. All I know is He is in it, so that is where I want to be.

Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]--To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen (so be it).
 Ephesians 3:20-21 Amplified

Joining Lisa-Jo @ Gypsy Mama and others talking about beyond

also linking to Laura @ Beholding Glory for Brag on God Friday


 

Still slower than slow...

Here is a post I wrote in January of 2010.  I feel the need to repost it as my internet speed has not improved and I still feel quite badly about not being able to connect with you all in the ways I would desire.  I do subscribe to your blogs and read them in my Google Reader - but more often than not I am unable to comment because your pages just. don't.  load.  Please read my words below and accept them as my apology...

I love the life the Lord gave to me here in the middle of nowhere. I love our land. I love my home. I even love the fact that it can be winter for more than eight months of the year.

I do not miss the rush of urban life, the crowds, the noise, the dirt. I lived in that for 43 years and gratefully left it behind. Now my life moves in time with the seasons of sowing and reaping, seed time and harvest, a rhythm that is real and natural. Connections have been planted here.

In. Real. Life.

But there is another place that I live as well. A place with no walls, no borders, no limits. Using technology we can reach out to the world and forge connections that would otherwise be impossible.

So begins my rant. There is a very annoying aspect to this country beauty that surrounds me. Slow, SLOW, painfully SLOW dial-up internet. Our connection gets no faster than 28k, yes that's "k" friends. Some people wonder how I manage to blog at all. It must be the spirit of perseverence that God gifted me with, like the persistant widow.

Jesus told them a story showing that it was necessary for them to pray consistently and never quit. He said, "There was once a judge in some city who never gave God a thought and cared nothing for people. A widow in that city kept after him: 'My rights are being violated. Protect me!' "He never gave her the time of day. But after this went on and on he said to himself, 'I care nothing what God thinks, even less what people think. But because this widow won't quit badgering me, I'd better do something and see that she gets justice—otherwise I'm going to end up beaten black-and-blue by her pounding.'" Luke 18:1-5 The Message

I seem to waste ridiculous amounts of time waiting for my computer to respond to simple requests. I get frustrated. I get impatient. I get angry at our lack of options. It's not that we refuse to pay for high-speed, or wireless, or satellite or cable, there is none available.

"I love my life here in the country" I tell myself again and again. And I do.

But....

When I try to reach out and connect with many of you I find that your pages won't load. I can't view your videos, never mind enter into the new realm of vlogging. The connection is just too slow.

Most painful of all is my inability to leave as many comments as I'd like. As a blogger, I know how those words of encouragement and understanding, those "amens" spur us on. I don't enjoy being a lurker when I truly do have things to share with you.

So I ask for your forgiveness. I'm with you. I'm reading and loving your words and hearts. I'm sending you my prayers. I'm leaving my responses where and when I can.

Will you join me in prayers that internet options here will soon change? And please be patient with me until that time comes.

Peels and layers

I am in the middle of NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month. I have surrendered my words to the Lord, allowing Him to write His story through me in whatever way He desires. Not only do I have to give up any sense of control I must also yield to His timing. It is my own lack of patience that prompted today’s One Shot.

My approach
to dicing an onion
is to chop through
both ends
then make a long
shallow
cut
part way through
removing skins
and flesh
in one action
to get to the clean
usable
fruit
my impatience
rewarded
with time saved.

God’s approach
is painstakingly
slow
as He peels
layer after
paper thin layer
concerned
not only
with result
but process.

In the midst
of my frustration
gratitude flows
in tears
of thanksgiving
for in His abiding
deliberate patience
my very life
was saved.

The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises, according to some people's conception of slowness, but He is long-suffering (extraordinarily patient) toward you, not desiring that any should perish, but that all should turn to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9 Amplified

Stop by to read more One Shots at One Stop Poetry

Waiting for light

The days have grown shorter almost overnight. I went to my chair for my morning appointment with God and noticed that the sky did not yet show even the faintest glimmer of light. Flipping the light switch, I grabbed a fleece throw, my journal and a pen, and settled in to hear what He would say.

Just as you are able to see in the dark by turning on lights - so too do you try to see spiritual things using natural means, like your own understanding. How much better and clearer is My revelation?

It takes patience to wait for the sun. How much harder to wait on Me to shine My light?

I know the uneasiness in your heart, little one. You want to know what I Am asking of you in these days. I need you to watch and wait and keep walking in faith.

The hardest part of that equation for you is the waiting. You hunger to move, repair, right wrongs and move ahead. The idea of doing nothing frustrates you, I know, but there is more happening than you can see.

Can you withold judgement, trusting that I see a bigger picture?

Can you simply pray into the rising of the light?

Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth Hosea 6:3 NIV

Tuesdays Unwrapped - A New Blue

We have finally come through "the days of rain" to see the clouds thin and the gray vanish. The sun is again shedding light and heat upon our land.

Flowers that have waited with much more patience than I, are stretching, unfurling; revealing promises they had hidden within.

As I wandered in the stillness of yesterday's late afternoon, I was attempting to catch digital images of the beauty of small flowers tumbling from one of our hanging baskets.

When I reviewed the images on the larger computer screen my breath was stolen by the colour of the sky, a new shade of blue so bright and so deep and so very alive it appeared to be digitally enhanced.

Only God, to display His glory, could create such a blue, and in His great love, allowed me a moment to unwrap His gift.

Come visit Emily at Chatting at the Sky and share your unwrappings

Creativity Boot Camp - Grow

The word prompt was grow. Click on picture to enlarge.

Tuesdays Unwrapped - Trust

Yesterday Rick and I visited a local greenhouse to purchase more bedding plants for the hanging baskets that will surround our house and hang in the backyard. Then, back home, I sorted through the living artist's palette of colours and shapes to decide which plants would best compliment each other, while Rick placed them in rich soil in the baskets and hung them in place.

This morning, I unwrapped a word from the Lord as I spent time with Him journaling:

Just as the farmer must trust Me with the seeds he has sown, so too must you totally release all things into My care.

My arm is not too short to reach out and touch everything that concerns you. Do not go back and pick up those things you have already surrendered.

Would you dig up the flower baskets you have just planted to see if roots have formed? No, for that would surely harm their growth.

The fruit of patience takes time to ripen, little one, and with it - faith fruits.

As you spend days in the rain, you must still have hope for the sun. Do not allow the enemy to plant despair with his lies about unfullfilled promises. Am I not the One Who makes the sun to shine or the clouds to scatter the rain? I call the winds to blow cold fromthe north, gentle from the south. Am I not to be trusted?

Then rest, for I will have my way.

Listen. Surrender. Do as I say.

Revelation will come, and one day, you will see what I see. When the last pieces of the puzzle fall into place, you will see the whole picture and understand how each step along the way had its perfect purpose.

Until that day - lean on Me and walk in faith.

What have you unwrapped today? Join Emily at Chatting at the Sky and share your gifts.