love upturned

I felt a strange pull to listen to an old Suzanne Vega song, perhaps that which she was most known for.  In the lyrics to Luka she sings:

They only hit until you cry
After that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore

I was stopped, breathless
understanding the words 
in my own aching heart
in a way I never have before

why now?

I only pondered for a moment
before a deep knowing settled
for I can now add my name 
to the long list
of those who feel the sting
of the type of emotional abuse,
that leaves you shattered
tear-soaked, fragile
and uncertain if you are 
who you always thought you were

I made the temporary bed
in our place of refuge
this morning
without paying much attention
to the order of the throw pillows
not noticing I had allowed love
to be turned upside down

I have been blind
but my eyes are opening
what was taken, ripped away
is being restored
I was created, by His hand
the Master Designer
in His image
to love, as He loves

what the enemy has twisted
turned on edge
and used to harm me
is being restored
I have been claimed
reclaimed
and set free

But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters,
 I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
Isaiah 43:1-2 NLT



 

Coffee with Billy Coffey and a Giveaway

For the three people 

tortured by their secret complicity 

in a young man's untimely death, 

redemption is what they most long for . . . 

and the last thing they expect to receive.

so begins the description on the back cover of Billy Coffey's latest novel The Devil Walks in Mattingly.

Billy has once again graced me with the opportunity to ask him a few questions about this new story and his work in general.  Pour yourself a cup of coffee or your favourite beverage and sit a spell with us. Don't leave too quickly, there's a giveaway brewing at the end of our chat.

Billy, I appreciate that you're willing to take a few minutes to once again talk about your work as your latest book launches.  I think I'll mix it up today, asking some deep and some more trivial questions.

Do you have more than one novel in progress at the same time, one getting captured on paper and others percolating in the background?

I do. I’m always looking for a story. I’m neurotic enough that I’m afraid those ideas will dry up sooner or later, so I like to keep a thick stack of them. I try to plan Novel B while I’m writing Novel A. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always work out the way I’d like it to.

Do you know as you begin a new work that you will need more than one novel to tell the tale?

I think there are two things going on with all of my books. There’s that single story, and then there is some mysterious overall arc that’s going on in this little Virginia town where all of these stories take place. I have no idea what that overall story is yet, but I’m hoping I will eventually.

The Devil Walks in Mattingly feels like your deepest and darkest book to date.  Did this story haunt you more as you brought it to life?

There were aspects of it that got into my head a little. Taylor’s character certainly did. Not so much because he did such awful things (which is certainly true), but that he did those awful things because of the deep pain inside him. I wanted him to be truly frightening at the beginning of the book, and truly pitied at the end.

What do you have sitting on your desk while you write besides coffee?

So much stuff. Books, papers, pictures. I have an old tomahawk head that was found in a cornfield near my house. A small bust of Leonardo da Vinci. And plenty of pens.

What tools do you use, paper and pen, keyboard or both?

It’s always paper and pen at first. I can write faster with a keyboard, but faster isn't always better. I have a Waterman fountain pen that I've used for a long while now. It’s my favorite thing. I’ll usually write a chapter longhand, type it into my computer, print it out, and then go line by line with a pen again.

The people of Mattingly all seemed quick to accept blame.  Do you agree that it is harder to accept credit for positive things?

It’s certainly true for me. There’s a fine line between carrying a sense of responsibility and being burdened by a sense of blame. There are people who believe themselves perfect and people who believe themselves horrible, and there’s little middle ground. Trying to find that balance that says yes, we’re flawed, and yes, we’re wonderfully made, can be tough. But it’s necessary.

Can we expect to read more about Jake, Kate and Zach in future novels?

The Barnett family is slowly becoming central to a lot of these stories, especially Jake. As sheriff, he’s more often than not the man standing between the town and all this darkness. You’ll see all three of them in the next novel, especially Zach. You’ll see Allie Granderson from When Mockingbirds Sing in that one, too. It’s called In the Heart of the Dark Wood, and it’ll be out this November.

Thanks for sharing your visions with us in such wondrous ways Billy. You leave us richer for the reading.

Thomas Nelson Publishers has been kind enough to make a copy of The Devil Walks in Mattingly available for me to give away to one lucky reader.  All you need to do is:

leave a comment below telling me your favourite hot beverage (helps me think warm thoughts in the middle of this, our extended Canadian winter) and you'll be entered into a random drawing. 

To earn extra entries, share this via Facebook, or Twitter or Google+ then come back and leave me another comment for each shout-out.

Keep watching here. Winner will be announced Monday when I post my review of this wonderful story!

 

surrender to the breaking

I have, we have

all been broken by the world

shards scrape and cut

we bleed

bitter

but to be broken

by His hand

there is sweetness

in that pain

do not run from it

run to it

heart open in surrender

Day 24 of 31 Days of Surrender

 

Letter to myself...

Bonnie is back with a new Faith Jam.  She asks us:

What would you say to your younger self – based on what you know now? At what point in life would you wish to speak to her– and what would you say?

I chose to reach back to a time right before I heard the knock of Jesus upon my heart, when I attempted to fill myself with anything and everything but Him, about fifteen years ago.

Dear Karin:
Are you alone now?
Are you sober, mind not altered by drink or drug?
I’d really like to talk with you.
I need you to hear me.
How I wish you could hear me.

I know that hunger drives you
a wide yearning place
you have wandered in for years
you think nothing can fill.

You have stuffed it with food
until the outside of you grew wide as the sea
yet still you drowned in the empty.

You cram in any sign of approval
striving to be smarter, funnier, the best at anything
believing you are the worst at everything.

You are deaf to the voice that speaks true love
how I wish you could hear Him.
He is patient
more patient than you or I
in His waiting.

Your parents named you Caryn
thinking to honor an uncle Charlie
but God’s hand was upon that choice
knowing the root meaning, from Katherine
means pure.

That is the way He sees you
no matter how low you sink
no matter how much filth you pour into your life.
How much it must hurt Him
to watch you want what you want
chasing the thrill of dirty
choosing lust, rejecting love
ever alone, unfilled, starving.

Hold on Karin
the darkness will scatter
there is One Who will redeem
and wash away the grime
rebuild, restore
and claim you as His own, His pure one.

This life you’re clinging to will crumble like dust
and so much pain will cut through
how I‘m sorry for that pain
but you have to walk through it
so your eyes will see the space you can never fill
and the One Who waits and will.

Your ears will at last be open to the voice of love
and the heart you think you do not possess
will burst with the wonder of Him.

We will worship together
you and I,
I and I,
He in us.

with all my love,

Me, you, His pure Karin

Still, I know that God lives—the One who gives me back my life— and eventually he'll take his stand on earth  Job 19:25 The Message



Thrilled to be back in the Jam with Bonnie

Corrupt - but aren't we all?

Lies.  Corruption. Lack of repentance.
This could be a great time to throw stones.
Let's not.
Remember what Jesus said:

They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”  John 8:7 NLT

I now dwell happily in the Canadian prairies, but the majority of my life was spent in the Chicago metro area.  Political corruption wasn't an exception, it was the norm.  Yet each one that pointed a finger also condemned himself.

If one is beyond forgiveness then the same is true of all.  Instead of counting sins, why not look at the ways God can and will be glorified as grace flows and redemption arises!

All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down Romans 5:20 The Message
 
Living loud what my heart believes with others at People of the Second Chance

Redeemed from "the dark side"?

I may be one of the few people of my age who has never seen even one film in the Star Wars series, but even I know that Darth Vader was considered a "bad guy".

I sat down with my husband to ask him what he knew about this character.  What he shared was that the character had been a Jedi Knight who went over to the dark side, influenced by the darkness he did indeed become an agent for evil.

Are any of us beyond becoming moved by forces that are less than pure?  Are any of us worthy of judging those who fall?

Our hero, Luke Skywalker could not even believe that someone as "bad" as Darth was his father, not until Darth gave up his own life to save him.

I'm reminded of the words of the preacher in Cowboys and Aliens:

"Sometimes good men do bad things.  And sometimes very bad men do good things."

I need the gavel taken from my hand, for there is only One able to know all the facts and details, only One Who is worthy to judge the hearts of man.

Will you agree with me in prayer, asking the Lord to impart more of His grace into our hearts and lives?

People of the Second Chance ask us to raise our voices for second chances, to overthrow judgement and liberate love. Will you join us?

Is anyone beyond forgiveness?

The Lord continues to move my heart with the things that touch His as He works with His chisel to form and reform me.  I believe it is by His design (for there truly are no consequences) that I was drawn to People of the Second Chance a collection of those who want to move in the kind of grace our Lord walked in, people who know what it is like to be forgiven and redeemed.

I am both blessed and challenged to be a part of promoting the Never Beyond Poster Series:

We all have people we would and wouldn’t give a second chance — lines drawn and beliefs formed about who we could forgive. 

We will be sharing 25 posters representing well known historical, current and fictional characters who are believed to have harmed society. This campaign consists of digital and print posters and the full collection will eventually be displayed as a touring art exhibit.  

The campaign draws out themes of forgiveness, grace and what a pathway to a second chance looks like.

The images may at times seem a bit vague.  This is by design, for the faces could just as well be yours, or mine.  Haven't we all needed a second, or third, or 1,000 chance?  While we ask for forgiveness for ourselves we often withhold it from those we deem beyond redemption.  I pray that through the coming weeks we will be able to see through the eyes of Christ and allow His heart to pulse deep in our spirits.

This week, the kick-off poster is of Casey Anthony.  People were outraged that she was not given the punishment many felt that she deserved when she was indeed given a second chance.

Before joining in the cries for revenge, stop for a moment and ponder -- have you received the punishment you deserve for your sins?

I pray that many of you have set down the stones you meant to throw.

I'll be back next Tuesday with thoughts on the next poster.