dumbstruck

 

I am here

merely dumbstruck

for a season, but

holding space

for words return

Psalm 3

Psalm 3

if I had millions of phrases

a basketful of languages

and eloquent oration skills

my tongue would yet fail

words cannot, will not

contain You

You are beyond all attempts

at description

glory beyond measure

and who am I

to call You mine?

One True Voice

Last week I got an early jump on the Love Idol Movement
all part of being pathologically early I suppose
as I pondered and prayed, I posted:

I continue to discover how deep
my need to gain approval
of my heart, my thoughts
my words
when I look honestly
I see myself
leaning too hard on comments
virtual pats on the back
blog followers, social networking ego kisses

The day after the post went live, I felt convicted to share the following confession on Facebook:

in attempt to continue to walk bold and naked before you, in transparency, I must admit how deep my idol has dug in -- I linked to my first love idol post yesterday -- and instead of trusting that the words shared are what He desired and leaving it there, I continue to check for views, likes, etc. This morning, when I saw that many have commented on other posts, yet no comments on mine, the arrows of the enemy flew fast.
And this on a post speaking to not needing approval of my words...

I simply felt that I had to come clean.  Confession felt good. Maybe I'll be able to get a handle on this thing. But then... Oh why is there always a but?

I found myself clicking back to see if anyone responded and reacted to the Facebook post.

My mind returns again and again to the same faulty reasoning:
I hear the voice of insecurity that says I am not okay
but I believe that if I can get you to approve of me I am okay
but there is never enough, the approval hunger is a bottomless well
the satisfaction drains away, cannot be stored, there is no filling

My people have committed a compound sin:
they've walked out on me, the fountain
Of fresh flowing waters, and then dug cisterns—
cisterns that leak, cisterns that are no better than sieves
Jeremiah 2:13 The Message

The working title of my novel is Redeeming Silence, the story of a young woman struggling to quiet lying voices in her heart and mind, learning to hear the One True Voice. This also is the journey I am on.

This morning, I asked the Lord to share, and ever faithful, I sensed Him say:

Again and again the voices come
Again and again you try to run
Run to Me where love waits
I Am your Approver
I Am your Rock
I Am your Silence

Take your peace

I am still praying through what steps I will take during this Lenten period to enable me to face the glory of Resurrection Sunday conformed more to His image.  One idea that has dropped into my spirit is that for every blog comment I receive, whether neutral, negative or positive I will read and meditate on a passage of scripture, leaning hard into His Word so freely given.

facing Love Idols with Jennifer
if you want to join us - start here










also walking with Emily in accepted imperfection

 

Something creative

 

Words come hard

when they come at all

but creativity flows

with each breath

the stirring of soup

the folding of a towel

a camera snap

fingertips on my beloved's arm

silent prayer

 

words

words

sharp, cold

fall like rain

collect at my feet

make the road slippery

ripe with danger

words

smooth, warm

drip like honey

cling to my heart

make the road sticky

slowing my steps

words

liquid, hot

refine like fire

burn deep in my spirit

make the road new

no time to linger

words

my currency

what I give, receive

breathe

Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. 

Psalm 139:4 NIV

hanging out at with the other poets at the bar tonight

 

after taste

I have no talent

for delicacy

my cakes are sugar coated

not my opinions

I am better built to mince meat

than words

my feet are long, heavy

you know I never could walk

on eggshells

without leaving a trail 

of destruction

so I crack with intention

whisking in fresh air

adding leaven, spice, sweet

the resulting treat

has substance

layered perhaps with contradictions

but genuine

with the lingering after taste

of truth

Hanging out at the pub for Open Link Night

 

Go forth with courage

I was surprised today to find many bloggers writing about courage.  Each new post confirmed the words Jesus shared with me this morning in my journalling time:

Yes, I Am leading you

moment by moment

word by word

I choose your conversations

and you, little one, have responded in obedience

even when you did not understand what I was asking

I desire to see you continue 

to use that which I give you to encourage others

My words are powerful

when mixed with your very human touch

This is why I ask you to remain close, attentive

listen for what I would have you say

then go forth with courage

Finding my everything in the vine with Cheryl

Creative call...

At lunch last week, a friend asked if I get involved in other art forms.

My reply was quick, well practiced. 

"My abilities are verbal, not visual.  I paint with the camera lens, but my talent is with words."

Yet I am feeling pulled, teased, drawn to new expressions. 

I want to paint quilt blocks to hang on the outside walls of the barn, the house, other out buildings.

I want to splash, and shape and sing.

His creative nature rises strong in me.  I will surrender my hands, my eyes, my ears.

May anything that results be to His glory.


 

Copper Kettles for Rumors of Water

Lyla Lindquist of A Different Story is leading us in a study of L. L. Barkat's Rumors of Water

I tossed some words about in the air and this is how they landed --

Copper kettles
cold as ice
water waits without a hint
of movement

None of the boiling
needed
for my cinnamon tea
sweet with
red hot chili bite

Tongue touches lips
salivating
water cold as ice
in copper kettles
full and silent

Words wait
no hint of movement
to be poured fresh
steaming

I must use
what I have
but first
turn on the flame

Begin to begin


Stop by Tweetspeak Poetry to join the conversation!


 

Words for 2012 Courage-Focus-Trust

It has become a habit as a new year begins to seek the Lord for a word or scripture to centre my spirit upon.  Not sure if what I was sensing was indeed from Him, I sat down and spent some quiet moments in His presence, journal open, pen in hand.

Lord, this calendar year is drawing quickly to an end - is there something You want to share?  I sense the word You are giving me for 2012 is three in one -courage, focus, trust.  Have I heard You or my own thoughts?

We have grown so close this year, little one, that often your thoughts are My thoughts.

Yes - believe that, even if it makes you pause.  The desire for oneness comes as you abide.

It will take more courage than you have before exercised to stand strong in what you believe in the days ahead.  The enemy of your soul will try to convince you there is too much on the line, but if you are with Me, I Am with you, so none can truly be against you, no matter what it looks like.

I will hone your focus.  What seems like scattered flames will be drawn together into a raging fire of purpose and passion.  Continue to look through My eyes.  pay heed to what you see and worry not about what you don't see.  You will not need to search for things to spend your time and efforts on; I shall set in clear sight those things I require of you.  Like Moses' bush, they shall blaze too brightly to ignore.

And trust, little one, always that I Am here, around you, within you.  You are not stepping out alone.  You are correct to place no trust in your flesh, but -- you can trust the Me in you.

You have some far.  There is yet far to go.

Jamming with Bonnie about our words for 2012


and relishing His touch with Jennifer

 

Strategy? What strategy?

Image found at http://www.dreamstime.com/nib-pen-and-inkwell-thumb2029268.jpg

I should have a plan
that's surely what the world would say
what writing logic would say
50,000 words in 30 days
there must be a strategy to accomplish such a task
and yet

the only plan I can follow
is His
the only words I wish to write
are those He supplies

my only strategy
is surrender
to be a pen in His hand
leaking Jesus onto every page

joining Peter Pollock and others talking about strategy