Saturday tears

The pain in my lower back continues to keep me stiff and slow. Rain clouds gather then the wind blows them away. It is not rain falling here today, but tears. God is doing some digging and my emotions are right on the surface, raw and leaking.

The desk chair in front of the computer is where my back feels best, so I've been catching up on the Compassion Bloggers that are in Guatemala. My heart aches for the needs but the tears... they come because the love of Christ is so evident and His Name is being glorified. You can read their stories here.

All over the internet I see the question "Where were you nine years ago when the planes struck the Twin Towers?" and I know part of what is raging within is the feelings, memories and fears of that day.

On September 10th I was in Winnipeg to receive my official "landed immigrant" status, making me a permanent resident of Canada. Interesting timing indeed for this transplant from the U.S.A.

The morning of September 11, 2001 found me in the kitchen of a restaurant in our very small town in my new job as cook/waitress. The owner rushed in babbling about a crisis taking place. At first I thought that he was worried because there were more than two customers ordering at the same time, for people rarely wanted more than the $1.00 bottomless cup of coffee.

We didn't have a television, so he turned on the radio. I couldn't grasp what I was hearing. Not being able to see it made it seem all the more unreal. With most of my family in the Chicago area, another big financial centre in the States, I felt fingers of fear tightening around my thoughts. It got busy that day as people wanted to gather together to talk. I don't recall how long I worked. I think I must have quit early so I could get home to call my parents. I turned on the television and it remained on, playing and replaying horrifying scenes, till we finally went to bed late that night.

Yes, there was indeed a sense that nothing would ever be the same, but God was, as always, still on the throne. I believe what saddens me most today is not that we have forgotten, but how little change endured. We have returned to walking in our own strength, viewing life through our own understanding, falling back into a deep slumber after what should have shaken us awake forever.

What more must God allow before we surrender to His will and His ways?

Take a minute to click here to view a tribute edited by Jason Powers. As your tears join with mine, perhaps you will ask the Lord, as I am today, "What would You have us learn?"