psalm 25

psalm 25

I have known too well

the darkness, deep pools

that beckon, lies convincing

sharp edges hidden 

in the appearance of softness

muting all sensibility

“come down lower

come quick come”

I have known too well

the tricks, skilled at a game 

I thought I was winning

while You waited, patient

knowing You created me for light

Your voice ringing clear, clean, true

“come up higher

come away with Me”

only by Your Spirit

did I choose the better way

psalm 9

psalm 9

this pair of eyes looks hard

up and down, around

seeing all there is to see

naturally, but with lenses self-crafted

that distort, deceive, and deny truth

mirroring back what my wicked heat desires

this pair of ears listens hard

hearing what there is to hear

naturally, but with filters self-designed

to mute or amplify or alter sounds

echoing back what my hungry heart requests

too much of me, ENOUGH of me 

give me Your eyes, Your ears

vision and perception Holy Spirit clarified

to know and be known by You

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. 

Now I know in part, but then I shall know 

just as I also am known.

1 Corinthians 13:12 NKJV

no words

I have not words

but perhaps

there have already been 

too many spoken

or typed

sent flying 

via anti-social media

this may well be

a time for the silence

of mourning and regret

or the wailing lament

that goes beyond words

a weeping song

that only the Spirit knows

So too the [Holy] Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance. Romans 8:26 Amplified

 

settle in

Ask the world to reveal its quietude —

not the silence of machines when they are still,

but the true quiet by which birdsongs,

trees, bellworts, snails, clouds, storms

become what they are, and are nothing else.

Wendell Berry

in the center of the flood

grasping, gasping

may I find the still point

peace falling, as the dove 

Holy Spirit, settles in

for an extended stay

seeking the stillness with Sandy

Three in One

I am working through a book gifted to me by my Discipleship Training mentor called The Path of Celtic Prayer.  In the first lesson on praying Trinity prayers the assignment was to write poetic prayers of our own.

Glorious Father, Three in One, Holy Trinity

Today I am Yours

surrendered and submitted

to all You have planned

may the fullness of Your desire

unfold from sunrise to sunset

To You, Holy Father 

I promise to worship

all that You are

and all that You created

sun, moon and stars

the Heavenly Host

designed by Your hand

and everything that has breath

To You, Holy Son, my Lord and King

I promise to ponder Your great love

so vast that sacrificed all

for me, even if it had been only for me

May my heart be eager for reunion

to gaze into Your eyes

and walk by Your side

alive and abiding in You

To You, precious Holy Spirit

I promise to listen

as You whisper in the wind

strumming ever so gently

the strings of my heart

reminding me of all that is holy

all that is true

blowing away the chaff

Amen

 

empty eggshell

Here at the Zambia base, one Saturday each month is devoted to prayer and fasting.

Today is the day.

We gathered corporately at 9 to worship before splitting into smaller groups to declare and pray The Word.  We began with Luke.

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.  He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

“For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

 And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?  I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”  Luke 18:8-1-8 NIV

We were then given thirty minutes of personal time with the Lord, to pray about the condition of our prayer lives, repent of any prayerlessness or discouragement and ask that He would give us new strength, vigor and perseverance.

I took my chair out into the morning sun, and as I quieted myself before Him I saw my prayer life as an often empty shell.  Like an egg, when there is nothing inside to stand against external pressure the shell will shatter into tiny shards.  Yet when the shell is filled and solid, pressure from outside may crack but not destroy it.

I asked that the Lord would remind me to continually fill myself with His Spirit which He freely pours out to all who would receive   It is indeed my part to drink, my choice, my pleasure.

May I stay ever firm, solid, filled with His truth, His love and His light.

being still with Sandy

 

opening

hearts are cracking

opening fresh, wild

ready to draw in more

tears and smiles

mingle, how privileged

are we to watch

as God moves nations

Halfway into the Global Orientation Conference
we are surrounded by those much younger than us
the other night we sang Hosanna

I see a generation
rising up to take their place
with selfless faith

and I journalled:

Last night I sensed that You plan to use us as examples for the generation following us. How best can we do that Lord?

obedience and surrender
they will see your willing spirit
when you die to self with joy
they will see how you love
when you allow yourself
to be moved by the wind of My Spirit
they will learn how to dance with Me
step by step, breath by breath

still in the marketplace

"Be still and acknowledge that I am God" 

(Psalm 46:10).  

These are words to take with us 

in our busy lives.  

We may think about stillness 

in contrast to our noisy world.  

But perhaps we can go further 

and keep an inner stillness 

even while we carry on business, 

teach, work in construction, 

make music, or organise meetings.

It is important to keep a still place 

in the "marketplace."  

This still place

 is where God can dwell 

and speak to us.  

It also is the place from where 

we can speak in a healing way 

to all the people we meet in our busy days. 

Without that still space we start spinning.  

We become driven people, running all over the place 

without much direction.  

But with that stillness 

God can be our gentle guide 

in everything we think, say, or do.

Henri Nouwen

This was a street side market

in Kampala, Uganda

November 2007

colours bright, voices loud

all seemed a bit chaotic

and I thought

but Lord, you've transformed me

from urban

to a quiet country girl

would you then place me back

in the crowds?

I am unsure 

of what Malawi

will bring

but find hope, peace

and challenge

in Henri's words

to learn to carry

the stillness

with me

in me, always

in the still place with Sandy

 

anchored

My prayer has long been

Lord help me be willing to be willing

to go when You say go

and I believe that pleases Him

but He reminds me

will you also be willing to stay

when I say stay?

I tune my ears to the Spirit

wanting the voice of my Shepherd

to ring louder

than any other

before sleep the other night

I saw a large metal anchor

I sensed God telling me to set my anchor in Him

if I set it in the ground, I am fixed in place

anchored in Him I can move where He moves

so this morning, pen in hand

I asked Him if He had more to share

Grounded in Me isn't static

but it is stable

the safest place

there is more freedom

more joy, more peace

When I move, you follow

and I remain your base of support

Yes, drop your anchor here

from your heart to Mine

What comfort this brings me

to know that even as I go, I can stay

in Him, and He in me

jamming with Bonnie

 

make yourself ready

Fellow blogger Beth has also sensed that her word for 2014 is PREPARE.  On Friday she blogged:

The second part of the definition from mirriam-webster.com is: to make yourself ready for something that you will be doing, something that you expect to happen, etc.

I instantly recalled the song the Lord gave me years ago, crying out not only to me, but to His church to prepare.

In the garden, in the spice grove,

I am waiting for you there

In the garden, I will linger

I am waiting for you, My bride to prepare

Make yourself ready, make yourself ready,

Make yourself ready for Me

And for all you cannot do

My Spirit I send you

Make yourself ready for Me

Oh the fragrance of the garden

Love everlasting and free

I will give riches of heaven

To the one who surrenders all unto Me

Make yourself ready, it's time to get ready

Make yourself ready for Me

For My bride must be pure

And My bride must be holy

Will you be ready for Me?

I am calling, from the garden

I am waiting for you here

But the time is growing shorter

And My message to you right now must be clear

Make yourself ready, make yourself ready

Make yourself ready for Me

Make yourself ready, you need to be ready

Make yourself ready for Me.

 

weak to strong

I have a habit

perhaps many of you share

I like to think I'm in control

I try to live and breathe and act

in my own power

for awhile, I move along

getting through the days, weeks, months

I bet that doesn't work for you

any better than it does for me

does it?

and when I finally take the time 

to slow, still, surrender

I hear what I already know

your rest will come in obedience

allowing the stream of My Spirit

to move you

abandon any thoughts

of going your own way

or using your own strength

don't try to work it

or figure it out

listen, bend in

I will fill your sails

and My wind will carry you

Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. 1 Corinthians 12:10 The Message



walking with Emily and the imperfect beloved

 

calling Your children

While digging through stacks of old papers, in the process of cleaning I uncovered a scrap.

Lyrics to a song that has no melody but rhythm that resonates in my spirit.

Now that I have reclaimed it perhaps music will come forth.

You Are calling Your children to draw closer

You will gather us together

to sit around Your throne

You desire us all to linger in Your presence

You Are glory

You Are shelter

You Are home

You Are what we cry for

a love we've never known

all we've ever needed

is You and You alone

and yes, we will dance

when You ask us to dance

and yes, we will sing out Your name

our Father

our Savior

the Spirit of life

forever and ever the same

Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. 

Give it plenty of room in your lives. 

Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. 

And sing, sing your hearts out to God! 

Let every detail in your lives

—words, actions, whatever—

be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, 

thanking God the Father every step of the way. 

Colossians 3:16 The Message

Chosen path

each new day

I choose yet again

to walk a narrow road

where the first footfall 

is often mine

there is uncertainty

in both the light

and the shadows

but I am reminded

once again

I do not walk alone

His words to me this morning  brought sweet comfort:

I Am with you wherever you wander, wherever you linger, near or far mean nothing to Me

We have come into agreement, little one, that I Am in you, as you remain in Me

No distance separates what is united in the secret place

Come and keep coming, let your heart remain open

By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, 

because he has given us of his own Spirit. 

1 John 4:13 RSV

 

His furious longing displayed

In the last chapter of his book The Furious Longing of God, Brennan Manning writes:

These are moments of truth. You are alone with The Alone. God’s tender feelings for you are no longer dry knowledge. You experience a certainty of God’s longing for intimacy unlike anything you’ve felt in hand-clapping worship or anointed Scripture studies.

I have known such moments and I hold fast to them in memory.

I had been praying one night about ten years ago, asking the Lord to show me His love in a tangible way. The next morning, while still in bed, again during my quiet time of prayer, with one of my cats curled up beside me, I could feel God’s arm around me. I remember telling the cat “We’re not going to move, God is holding us.” Some years later I was talking with the Lord and reminded Him about how He put His arm around me. I could sense Him laughing as He replied “My arm? My child, that was just my little finger.” I thought, of course, He is so very big, I would fit in the palm of His hand.

His love is vast, unimaginable, an ocean I will gladly surrender to and drown in.

linking with the gang at Sarah's place

also walking with the broken, imperfect redeemed at Emily's


 

Not little at all

Living a spiritual life makes our little, fearful hearts 

as wide as the universe, 

because the Spirit of Jesus dwelling within us 

embraces the whole of creation.

Henri Nouwen

 

Needing the still point with Sandy today

 

Not my words

The only words

I desire

are His

that my pen 

would move

to the rhythm 

of His Spirit

touching where He wills

breaking and repairing

hearts

once formed

by His hand

stubborn unyielding hearts

like mine

 

 Sharing a sweet bite with L L Barkat

 

The Searchers by Joseph Loconte

I have often wondered what it would have been like to be one of the fellows walking along a road listening to the words of the One walking beside me not yet recognizing Who He Was.  I can't imagine not being able to see Him clearly.

In The Searchers A Quest for Faith in the Valley of Doubt by Joseph Loconte I was given the opportunity to see how at one time or another we all walk the Emmaus road.  As the back cover promises:

Drawing from literature, film, philosophy, history, and politics, Loconte shows how this biblical drama is an integral part of our own story.

As I read through these pages I become more and more convinced that nothing of any importance makes sense to me without the interpretive assistance of the Holy Spirit. Through His eyes I can look upon the world of history and politics and see Jesus in every bit of it.  With my own eyes I simply see what the world sees.

I pray that as you read Loconte's words you allow the Spirit to whisper truth in your ears and that faith would rise clear and strong.

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.


 

Confessions of a reformed chameleon

Image found at 
http://facinatingamazinganimals.wordpress.com/2012/07/01/visits-from-a-chameleon-other-animals/ 

In my younger years I did not know who I was. I seemed to have no identity of my own. Convinced that I was in some way defective I sought the approval of others.  If someone, anyone, thought I was okay then maybe I was good enough after all.

For the sake of fitting in I could change my words and actions so fast that a chameleon would swoon with envy.  Certainly all the colours were beautiful, but it was exhausting trying to keep track of who I was with each person I knew.  I was terrified of having my friends together in one place and having to try to be just one me.  My life moved along in a blur, seeming unreal because I was not real.

Dictionary.com defines sincere as follows:

adjective, sin·cer·er, sin·cer·est.
1. free of deceit, hypocrisy, or falseness; earnest: a sincere apology.
2. genuine; real: a sincere effort to improve; a sincere friend.
3. pure; unmixed; unadulterated.
4. Obsolete . sound; unimpaired

How could I be genuine if I didn't even know who I was?

Then I met the One Who created me, Who had waited with exquisite patience for me to open my eyes and heart to Him.  No longer was I a defective mistake but instead a woman of grand design; chosen before time began, perfected by His Spirit in me.  In the years that followed He has continued to release me from the need of man's approval.  I am free to simply be.

Real. Genuine.  Free of deceit.  Pure, unadulterated me.  I am a living, breathing example of WYSIWYG what you see is what you get. Many are not sure what to do with me. Often bold, sometimes brash, seeking courage when fear sneaks in.  I will tell you what I think as my heart opens to pour out what I feel.

I expect the same from others.  Sadly, I am more than often disappointed.  I pray that all would step into the freedom I have found.

To breathe in, breathe out and be who you are.

Joining Peter and the rest talking about the word sincere

Stiff wings...

I have been away from home. 
Not only on the road, but away from my centre even while present in my house.
Thoughts have scattered like sow thistle seeds, wild to the wind.

This morning, sitting silent at last, journal open, I waited for food from my Lord.
While His words today carried the sting of rebuke they shook me back to life.
Nothing is sweeter.

I, yes I, have given you wings and I, yes I, have given you the ability to see.

How long will you wait with these gifts dormant?

You were not created to be tied to this world My little eagle.  You are grounded only if you choose to be.

Yes, those wings may be stiff, sore from lack of use, it may indeed hurt to open and stretch them.  But it is the only way to catch the current of My Spirit.

As you soar the ache will ease and your eyes will take in all that My heart already knows.

 

Without ceasing...

Yesterday was Sunday, yes.  And it was Pentecost Sunday, yes.  And it was the Global Day of Prayer, again.  For many years I have organized and led prayers gatherings for this day that the whole world prays, so I was not surprised to be asked to give leadership to yesterday morning's time of worship.  I was also asked to share a short message, a meditation of sorts.

Here then, is what I shared:

The grounding scripture for The Global Day of Prayer has always been:

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14

The Lord gave me words to a poem or maybe it is a song without melody:

What we sow in tears
we shall reap in joy
if we humble ourselves and pray.
Casting out our fears
we are in Your hands
when we humble ourselves and pray.
We are quickened by the rhythms of Your heart
and strengthened by the power of Your love.
We are welcome to come boldly to Your throne
to hear the words that only You could say.
Freedom waits for us
in Your presence Lord
when we worship You day by day.
You will hear our cries
and will heal our land
if we humble ourselves and pray

I’ve known a lot of people however, who are not sure if they really know how to pray. The whole thing seems somehow mysterious and complicated. Sure, it’s not too hard to recite a prayer that has already been prepared, like what we’ve been doing this morning, and indeed the words are powerful, especially when millions of people join in the same prayer.

In the New Living Translation, Ephesians 3:12 says:

Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence

I really sense that our loving Lord wants us to know that praying is not so much about ritual and formula but all about relationship and time spent with Him. About boldly coming into His presence…

Brother Lawrence wrote the book called Practicing the Presence of God. He spoke about how he had chosen to spend every minute of every day aware of the Lord’s presence with him, whether he was worshipping, praying, or washing the dinner dishes. He said:

There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God.

A continual conversation. I think that might be what Paul meant when he told us in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 to Pray without ceasing

While I was spending quiet time with the Lord, asking Him what He wanted me to share today, He led me back to something He had told me a couple of years ago about prayer time…

Listen - less talking - more listening - even as the quiet waiting may feel strange or uncomfortable.
I sometimes find it hard to be heard in all of your chattering.
If you come to Me filled with your own understanding, how can I teach you?
If you already know what you're looking for, how can I show you something new?
Listen. Wait. Let My Spirit move you. Laugh. Weep. Pace. Dance. Release the words The Holy Spirit gives you - even if only the Spirit can understand. For I tell you, the Holy Spirit will interpret the mysteries of your prayers.
The Spirit works to both explain Me to you - and explain you to Me - a conduit working in both directions - a highway you can choose to travel straight to My heart.
Are you willing to come?

 Henri Nouwen said:

Why is it so important that you are with God and God alone on the mountain top? It's important because it's the place in which you can listen to the voice of the One who calls you the beloved. To pray is to listen to the One who calls you "my beloved daughter," "my beloved son," "my beloved child." To pray is to let that voice speak to the center of your being, to your guts, and let that voice resound in your whole being

Let’s take a moment then, right now, to come before Him, not only as a group, but as individuals, to listen to what His heart wants to share.

Lord, we love you and are always filled with wonder at the thought that You would desire to talk with us. I know that You know the things that are concerning us this day, the people we know that are hurting, or lost or sick. For now, we leave that list of needs and requests in Your capable hands and simply come, as You requested, to allow You to speak into the centre of our beings. As we take this time in silence, speak Lord, for indeed Your servants are listening.

Even though it was my own voice doing the speaking, my spirit heard...
So I'm joining with Michelle today, praying that I use what He chose to share