a finger on it

I can't quite put a finger on it

to quote an old cliche

I carry the emotions

given to me, full force by my Creator

often swept away

cresting waves then

crashing, gulping water instead 

of air, my head submerged

He gives me hills

and valleys, both

to  be savoured

physical pain, shifts

surprising me, in new 

locations, disguises

tones and echos, almost

symphonic in fullness

always its finger on me

unrelenting grip, does this

hurt? how about here?

He gives me hills 

and valleys, both

but dwells with me

up there and down here

 Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; 

do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; 

yes, I will hold you up and retain you 

with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.

Isaiah 41:10 Amplified

too too soon

the beginning of 2014

January through April, perhaps a bit of May

winter slipped under the doors

painted pictures on the windows

while we were lost in dreams

of a life hotter, fuller in Africa

and in August that same year

we left the prairies below us as we flew away

there were visits back

2016, 2018 but always summer

never did I miss the ice

the bitter winds

or the snow, no

not at all

yet, today I find myself here

the sky dull

constant cloud cover 

dripping rain and yes,

snow,  early October

shivering deep beneath my skin

winter hardly begun

the long season of fleece

down, woolly socks and hot tea

is upon me and the thought

of hibernation tantalizes

new snow tires on the vehicle

but oh, if I had my way

I'd remain inside

until Spring's thaw

months and months from here

open heart

my trip to the mountains

resounded with gasps

"wows" and tears

beauty opening my heart 

to unexpected wonder

having seen

I cannot un-see

having felt

I cannot un-feel

what God has done

what God can do

around, in

and even through me

still

the worries of the world

 rush over me

power pounding

attempting to distract

but I find safety

in the Rock

that holds me fast

solid in the chaos

this is what He teaches

this is what I'm learning

be still

know

breathless

I have been silent here

for good reason

awed by His creation

now that my breath is back

words will return

ever a door

there is ever a door

ahead, open

or closed, asking

what will we do here?

will we stand, stubborn

afraid to knock

or touch, or push

will we crawl under, squeeze

through, jump high

hurdling over

will we peek through

and uncertain

turn to face another door

another time, another place

there is ever a door ahead

Strive to enter by the narrow door

[force yourselves through it], 

for many, I tell you, will try to enter 

and will not be able.

Luke 13:24 Amplified

thick clouds

friends dear to us

have had their hearts exploded by tragic loss

clouds dark have settled over us all

in my quiet time with the Lord this morning

He spoke these words

in Africa funeral houses fill with wailing cries

this, when there are no words

they do not fear the depth of mourning

this makes sense to you now

your people, your village is shaken

I hear cries that they think they should suppress

there is no need, no reason 

to be strong

I Am the strength for all

stand together in your weakness

those who already have answers

did not hear them from Me

around the curve

I have been frozen in my brokenness

dry, splintered, fragile

the road ahead and behind

rocky, rutted, slippery

hard to see signposts

in clouds of dust

my steps are small, painful

both in body and heart

yet surely the refreshing

the eruption of new life

is waiting, ever waiting

just around the next curve

For I will [fully] satisfy the weary soul, 

and I will replenish every languishing and sorrowful person.

Jeremiah 31:25 Amplified

short hop

travel day

that's usually tiring to even think about

but this is a short hop

mere hours

not the multiple days

to or from Africa

no meals or movies

no free snacks

2-1/2 hours for our first flight

1 hour for the next

as always

we're in His clouds

in His hands

no better place

slow to change

the seasons are slow to change

this year, uncertain

samples of heat, retreat

as cool returns

two weeks into July

and summer has no foothold

this blood, thinned

by African years, shivers

I see the shrugs, hear

the snickers, loud

from those already awash

in sweat and complaints

leaves me wondering

will I ever be warm

will I ever be home

again

excavating

there's a leak in the water line on our street

water is shut off until the problem can be solved

this morning the heavy equipment rolled in

sometimes the only way to fix an issue

is to excavate, dig deep

a noisy, dirty process

exposing hidden things

buried so long ago

you don't remember

would prefer to forget, but

there is no longer any choice

if you want to stop the bleeding

the only way to healing

is down, opening new paths

to freedom

pinks

the glory of pink, bright

bold or muted

shedding joy, without

conscious thought

contagious, breaking 

the pain of the day

shouting life

life

life

not nomads

hours run into days

days into weeks

we move along, driven

by rhythms uncountable

surely it is time

to settle, pause

end these nomadic seasons

yet the Lord reminds me

your true home is in Me

but I do give your earthly body

a place to settle

a base of operations

a centre from which to reach out

your most important job is love

before all, in all and above all

love Me first

without Me you will not have

the ability or capacity

to love those I place before you

allow My love to work through you

awake with me

sleepy morning

after a night of discomfort

coffee steaming in my hand

I listened for words from the Lord

I Am with you in your pain, never are you alone

the aching in the dark, when the world sleeps?

I Am awake with you.

My promise is true to never leave or forsake you

even when you don't understand, or believe

and cry out "where are you?"

Here, always, knowing what I know.

Be still, little one, give Me the pain.

It's what I can bear when you cannot.

Alive!

He is alive

and the world

is forever changed

 He is not here; he has risen, just as he said

Matthew 28:6a NIV

repost from 2015

as we wonder

the day in-between

deep despair

and sparkling glory

has an unexpected weight

this year, a living portrait

of the season we have inhabited

the past behind us

the future not yet reachable

we linger here

in wonder

as we wonder

never dimmed

Now from the sixth hour (noon) 

there was darkness over all the land 

until the ninth hour (three o’clock).

Matthew 27:45 Amplified

It is Friday

that Friday

darkness falls

yet there is light

that is never dimmed

that will not be overcome

that will rise from the grave

we are bearers, carriers

containers for that light

the empty place in which He dwells

thin as eggshells on the cusp of cracking

Sunday is coming

International Day of the Girl

October 11 is International Day of the Girl

If I am mentioning this special day, set apart to honour, support and recognise the needs of girls, why post a picture of men?

Because men in Uganda  have stepped up to help!

Click HERE to read Compassion Canada's full story about an inspiring and unexpected program in Mulatsi, Uganda that is strengthening community, generating income and empowering young women.

Please give, share, pray and rejoice as girls are equipped to step into the future God has prepared for them.

Faithfulness and an announcement

He promised to honour my surrender

through all my fears 

that it would never happen

here we are again Africa

So let us seize and hold fast and retain without wavering 

the hope we cherish and confess and our acknowledgement of it, 

for He Who promised is reliable (sure) and faithful to His word. 

Hebrews 10:23 Amplified

As a way of helping our loyal followers 

keep a digital eye on us

I have created a new website

Fendicks in Africa

I invite you to take a peek

listen to God's heart for Africa

and fall in love

God Bless the Broken Road

Even when faith seems buried under so many layers of pain and disappointment that you can't find it, God still sees, loves and holds His children.

This film mixes sudden widowhood, fatherlessness, NASCAR racing, friendship, family tension and more; while God remains the star of the story. When the main character turns her back on Him, He never leaves her.

The truth of the Gospel wove through the film without distracting from it's pure entertainment and pointed to the only place to turn when there is nowhere left to turn.

Both my husband and I enjoyed watching and will watch again to catch some of the more subtle and humorous moments. This is a film for all.

Film has been provided courtesy of Pacific Northwest Pictures and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. The opinions I have shared are my own.