too too soon

the beginning of 2014

January through April, perhaps a bit of May

winter slipped under the doors

painted pictures on the windows

while we were lost in dreams

of a life hotter, fuller in Africa

and in August that same year

we left the prairies below us as we flew away

there were visits back

2016, 2018 but always summer

never did I miss the ice

the bitter winds

or the snow, no

not at all

yet, today I find myself here

the sky dull

constant cloud cover 

dripping rain and yes,

snow,  early October

shivering deep beneath my skin

winter hardly begun

the long season of fleece

down, woolly socks and hot tea

is upon me and the thought

of hibernation tantalizes

new snow tires on the vehicle

but oh, if I had my way

I'd remain inside

until Spring's thaw

months and months from here

slow to change

the seasons are slow to change

this year, uncertain

samples of heat, retreat

as cool returns

two weeks into July

and summer has no foothold

this blood, thinned

by African years, shivers

I see the shrugs, hear

the snickers, loud

from those already awash

in sweat and complaints

leaves me wondering

will I ever be warm

will I ever be home

again

extended light

the horizon cracks early

light splinters, spills

evenings extend long

as the sun tarries

unwilling to retire

I am misled

by years of the equality

of African days and nights

unable to read the hours

dinners are late

as we too,unwilling

to miss a moment

soak in the fullness of time

little things

It is the first days of our return

to rural Canada

a mix of jet lag, laughter

hugs, tears, confusion

and lack of words

yesterday our prodigal suitcases

six large bags, all we could carry

made their way home

exhausted as we unpacked

we rejoiced that nothing was lost

today we opened

the few boxes we had left here

what joy to be reunited

with familiar treasures

a quilt, jewellery box

baking pans

it is little things that lift us

and little things that trip us

and there is One standing strong

calm, all knowing

in the middle of it all

I am returning

to His feet

ever in place

the page has turned

we have arrived back in Canada

as I try to breathe

in the strangeness this morning

the Lord was waiting for me

before I could pick up my pen

if you know you are in Me

in My hands

then even in the rapid fire changes

you need not feel out of place

you are where I have you and hold you

in Africa, In Canada, anywhere

your home is in Me

stay here, do not move

without Me

where could you find more safety

or more peace?

Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. 

[Live in Me, and I will live in you.] 

Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself 

without abiding in (being vitally united to) the vine, 

neither can you bear fruit unless you abide in Me.

John 14:4 Amplified

tears soften the view

through the blur of tears

there is the rainbow promise

time to move on

farewell Africa

Canada - here we come.

red footprints

in 2007, the door swung wide

for us to first step into Uganda

onto Africa's red dirt, warned 

how profoundly we would be 

changed, and we were

it took seven years to return

not to Uganda, but Zambia 

and in Malawi, our hearts 

found home

our future, never certain

is solid as air, God's plans

always a mystery, our feet 

will soon leave the continent

but long the dust will linger

in our hearts

Many plans are in a man’s mind, 

but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand.

Proverbs 19:21 Amplified

not my road

farewells extended

still feel fragile and fleeting

how can a heart shattered

continue to break

eight nights remain

wrapped in African 

velvet darkness, wishing 

for a different end

to this story, knowing

it is not mine to write

He reminded me this morning

journal open, pen in hand

I have never set an easy road before you

will you ask for one now?

Or will you surrender to My plans?

When you pray 

"whatever - for the glory of Your Kingdom"

do you mean it?

When you say "anything"

is it your "anything" or Mine?

Your own ears will hear him.

    Right behind you a voice will say,

“This is the way you should go,”

    whether to the right or to the left.

Isaiah 30:21 NLT

just beyond

April soon will slip away

the rains retreat, to hide in a place

we will not know, umbrellas 

useless now, tightly furled

so too our season in Africa

tumbles towards its end

leaving bumps, scratches

bruises, time alone can heal

yet there, just beyond reach

not quite in focus, waits

an outburst of new

glory unfolding, certain

as life

I show you specified new things from this time forth, 

even hidden things [kept in reserve] which you have not known. 

They are created now [called into being by the prophetic word], 

and not long ago; and before today you have never heard of them, 

lest you should say, Behold, I knew them!

Isaiah 48:6-7 Amplified

seeking first

a matter of trust

one day to the next

or moment by moment

as we begin our journey to Canada

in two weeks

we will be in flight

though I have felt mid-air

for months

what to drive

where to sleep

are not yet settled

leaving me tipsy

and grabbing hold

of the only One Who knows

seeking first, last

always

So above all, constantly chase after the realm of God’s kingdom

and the righteousness that proceeds from him. 

Then all these less important things will be given to you abundantly.

Matthew 6:33 The Passion Translation

fingers wide

the sorting, sifting

shifting perspective continues

and in the jumble, the crumbled

dreams, the ragged edges

tiny tasty bits, too precious

to discard 

where then, to hold 

these treasures 

found?

what release will be

required next?

my hands willed open

fingers spread wide

in a stubborn "yes"

love learned

anywhere we land

however temporary

companions appear 

adopting us

reminders of how to love

and be loved

asking only for a sweet touch

giving so much more

than they will ever know

Until then, there are three things that remain: 

faith, hope, and love—yet love surpasses them all. 

So above all else, let love be the beautiful prize for which you run.

1 Corinthians 13:13 Passion Translation

Sharing the morning

one of many

sharing the morning 

sun and stillness

but interrupting

with his call

new symphonies 

rehearsed at dawn

noon, nightfall

each unique, orchestra

members welcomed

how, without auditions

can there be such eerie unison?

but He already knew

Who formed each feather

and selects each song

not too proud

slick black shine

not too proud 

to beg for stroking

scratching

offers in return

loyalty in affection

a constant returning

for more

through a glass

there is beauty in the blur

when you can both see

and not see

yet colour and light

still have their way

we are drawing close to the One 

Who knows our next steps

cherishing every moment of glory 

He chooses to share with us

along this foggy path

For now we see but a faint reflection 

of riddles and mysteries 

as though reflected in a mirror, 

but one day we will see face-to-face.

My  understanding is incomplete now, 

but one day I will understand everything, 

just as everything about me has been fully understood. 

1 Corinthians 13:12 The Passion Translation

washed away

early morning, coffee, His Word and His words

all I need

Yes, you hear "washed away"

for surely I have washed away your sins

but  there is so much more

I can wash away your pain

I can wash away your worry

I can wash away memories

that twist and turn and torment

It is already done, child

let it go

receive My cleansing shower

stand in My healing rain

peace path

rough and rutted, tires rumbling

this noisy road carries us

to a place of peace

a house that is already home

however temporary

May I live to make Paul's words truth --

Not that I am implying that I was in any personal want, 

for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point 

where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am. 

I know how to be abased and live humbly in straitened circumstances, 

and I know also how to enjoy plenty and live in abundance. 

I have learned in any and all circumstances the secret of facing every situation, whether well-fed or going hungry, having a sufficiency and enough to spare 

or going without and being in want. 

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me 

[I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him 

Who infuses inner strength into me;

 I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency].

Philippians 4:11-13 Amplified

His peace

Last Malawi road trip

seeking comfort and calm

found in the beauty of Zomba Plateau

this, may my heart remember

Peace I leave with you; 

My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. 

Not as the world gives do I give to you. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. 

[Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; 

and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated 

and cowardly and unsettled.]

John 14:27 Amplified

Second love

years have passed swiftly

my mind, my heart distracted

months of preparation

for the mission field

then the years of serving

my pen ran dry

with Jesus as my first love

writing was my second

and in pursuing the work of One

in a new and foreign way

I have lost the other

I know I can have both

for He tells me, over and again

the He provides the words

if only I will share them

as we begin preparations to come back 

to the life we had forever placed behind us

may I find the path to return

to my life of words

sharing His heart and mine

My heart is overflowing with a good theme;

I recite my composition concerning the King;

My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.

Psalm 45:1 NKJV

Tread lightly

As we walk through our last days here in Malawi

we were blessed to retreat to the Lake

I feel I am treading as lightly

as this curious sandpiper

I am sure I will be able to share more

as time and distance

add perspective

for now --

how can a broken heart speak?

how do you share words you never planned to need?

what shape is that kind of disappointment?