11 July 2009

Choosing Peace

My aging mother is suffering with a paralyzed vocal cord. What at first she brushed off as laryngitis persisted for long enough that she finally agreed to see a doctor. Cat scans showed that the cord is paralyzed because a lymph gland is enlarged and pressing on a nerve. Not sure what is causing the enlargement called for more tests. The last few weeks have been a time of waiting and questions and more waiting and more questions. Yesterday was perhaps the most difficult as she went in for a biopsy of the lymph node.

My folks live in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, while I'm now in rural Manitoba. It's a four hour drive to the airport in Winnipeg to take a dearly priced two hour flight. These are the moments when I feel the distance between us most acutely. My brother who lives near them took Mom to the hospital for the test which would be done under general anesthesia and I was left to wait alone for phone calls to keep me informed.

Time stretched on slowly with no word from my brother. I paced, I cried, I tried to distract myself, and I always came back to prayer. I prayed for my father as well, who lives in a care home with dementia of an unknown variety and expects my mother's company all day and all evening, every day. She has gotten him used to this routine and change upsets him. I prayed for their salvation again, as always, for time indeed is short and they have not met my Jesus.

Do you know how quiet it is when you're waiting for a telephone to ring? The silence can be deafening. As my tension level began to rise the Holy Spirit reminded me of the following scripture:

You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You. Isaiah 26:3 Amplified Bible

Perfect peace? I knew I could certainly use some of that. The sceptical side of me (the voice of the enemy speaking lies into my mind) said "How does that work? It's not possible" but I didn't listen to that twisted voice. I chose instead to trust my Lord and focus my attention of Him. Sure enough, as I began to glorify His name, all that concerned me diminished as He was magnified. I knew that whatever the outcome of the day would prove to be, He was in control and He had a plan and soon all was well with my soul.

Pathology reports should be ready in a few days. The doctor said he could find no cancer, in the lymph node or the lung. That's the good news. Now back to searching for a cause of the troubles. More tests, no doubt, and more waiting.

How will I walk through these trials and remain strong for my family? I am choosing peace. I am going to commit to, lean on, and hope confidently in my God. 


sailorcross said...

I'll be keeping your mom in my prayers!! Waiting and being away are both hard, and I'm thankful that you found your peace.

Several times this last week at work I "lost" my peace, and once I even cried. Why? Because I lost my focus.

Friday, as I was walking through the door to my workplace, this song came into my head (God put it there!)--Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus--and now when things get overwhelming, I simply hum this tune to myself while still working.

God worked miracles with this song. Yes, the stress and everything else was still there. But my focus changed, and this changed my perspective.


rebecca said...

lifting your mom up to the Lord...my own mom is having surgery next Tues. May Faith, family and friends sustain you.

Kelly @ Wisdom Begun said...

Hi Sweet lady,

I am praying for you especially. I can feel how hard this is for you. Wonderfully, however, our JESUS comforts at any place, and any time.