surrender never ends

I have taken a journey this month

spent thirty-one days 

diving into the pool of

open hands

open heart

surrender

barely breaking the tension

of the surface

of water much deeper

than first imagined

I still find myself gasping

for air, even knowing

He Is my breath

sink or swim

He teaches me

that all things

even letting go

are possible 

through Him

in Him

surrender never ends

if you have traveled with me this month, 

what have you learned?

Day 31 of 31 Days of Surrender

leaves transformed

leaves once exploding with life

gave up their green

for coats of gold

crimson, orange

a transformation we witness

year after year after 

life appears to change

completely

yet the leaves

are still leaves

until they surrender

their connection to the tree

then comes the true

transformation

as in death they become

nutrition to the soil

food for new life to come

might I be the same

releasing my grip

on who I am

to become 

who He desires me to be

Listen carefully: 

Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world,

 it is never any more than a grain of wheat. 

But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. 

In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. 

But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal 

John 12:24-25 The Message

Day 30 of 31 Days of Surrender









and walking with Emily in my imperfection

 

surrendering recognition

I order words

one after

the other

on pages, screens

tools of a trade

familiar to all

who paint with letters

thoughts, phrases

knock and burn

with the need

for release

we long to be heard

read, known

recognized 

and yet

if I claim to be

a pen surrendered

to His hand

than you need not

know me

at all

let me be invisible

as silver glass

a mirror to

reflect His glory

Day 29 of 31 Days of Surrender

hanging at the bar with the poets

 

not about me

It isn't about me

never has been about me

even the thought 

that it might be about anything other than Him

blocks the total surrender He seeks

in May of 2012 I posted the following

and again I say Yes, Lord!

I am in a continual process of surrender

shaving off bits and pieces of my self

offering them to be consumed, 

saved for later, or cast aside

Use whatever You can

I murmur to my Lord

Leave what You don't need

lying by the side of the road

but take the rest of me

I am willing to be willing

With confidence I pray

I will go anywhere

I will do anything

for I belong to You

knowing it is not my strength

but Yours

so I am both reconciled and bold

but...

as days, weeks, months and years

pile one upon the other

fear wiggles in

a familiar enough voice 

sounding very much like my own says

What if He has no use for you at all?

it sends a shiver through my spirit

for yes, I want my life to count for somethin

In my trembling and confession

I hear a voice more solid

even as He whispers

It isn't about your life

When you go, and go you will,

it will be all about Me

Day 28 of 31 Days of Surrender

 

surrendering uncertainty

The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith; 

and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety. 

George Müller

When I look at the budget set before me

and the financial support goals that must be met

in honesty I must admit my flesh trembles

yet I know I must surrender

fear, anxiety, uncertainty

to my God 

Who already has it planned

I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief! 

Mark 9:24b NIV

Day 27 of 31 Days of Surrender

 

night surrenders to day

even night must learn 

the art of surrender

for no matter how deep

the darkness

light returns

giving birth to morning

a new day

quiet in the holy hush of sunrise

Day 26 of 31 Days of Surrender

savoring the stillness at Pollywog Creek

surrendering alone

I was single for the first 43 years of my life

I did things my own way

in my own time

no need to consult someone else

toss, tussle and compromise

then I met my Lord

and He led me to my beloved husband

and I began the process of surrendering alone

to learn what it meant to live together

with God's love and grace

we melded into the one

that means husband and wife

together

as a couple

we do things our own way

in our own time

no need to consult anyone else

toss, tussle and compromise

until now....

we have to surrender our alone

for a new way of living together with others

we couldn't be more excited

or terrified

surrendered into His hands and plans

please take a moment to read the big news

Day 25 of 31 Days of Surrender

linking with Lisa-Jo talking about together
 

the big news

I have been waiting, not quite patiently, to fully share all that is happening in our lives. I have hinted here and there but have not disclosed.

Now is the time!

The first snow of the year has already fallen. We have been doing the tasks that make us ready for the change of seasons; cleaning up the gardens, taking down the hanging flower baskets and switching to snow tires on our vehicle.

Winter seems to be here, but while our bodies are adjusting to the cold, our hearts are preparing for a warmer climate. This will be our last Canadian winter before following God's call to surrender to a missions based life.

Our estimated departure date is August 2014. Six years ago, for a very brief time, our feet were coated with the red dirt of Uganda. Now our thoughts are turning toward Malawi.

Malawi is a landlocked country in central Africa, best known for beautiful Lake Malawi and for its friendly and open hearted people. The country is quite mountainous, and is bordered by Zambia, Mozambique and Tanzania.

85% of rural population lives in poverty, surviving on less than one US dollar a day, yet most inhabitants are business minded, thinking of creative ways to gain incomes.

Malawi is an agricultural country and its people are eager farmers. 12 Million people live there and most are self-sustaining farmers. After a severe drought in 2005 which depleted the soil, the president of Malawi increased fertilizer subsidies. In 2007 Malawi actually started exporting food !

Operation Mobilization Malawi is in the process of purchasing a piece of land and the plan is to have an agricultural training program.

Through this project, OM Malawi will be able to:

• Provide food for it’s own use, as well as to sell to earn income for the ministries of OM Malawi
• Provide training to the local community
• Have a platform to teach biblical principles and reach people with gospel of Jesus Christ.

Rick is more than anxious to get his hands dirty, finally using the education and experience he gleaned years ago. I will be writing and involved in many other tasks. We are excited to be able to be involved in such a groundbreaking venture!

God knows each step He desires us to take along the way.  I pray that in our listening, we hear and follow.

 

surrender to the breaking

I have, we have

all been broken by the world

shards scrape and cut

we bleed

bitter

but to be broken

by His hand

there is sweetness

in that pain

do not run from it

run to it

heart open in surrender

Day 24 of 31 Days of Surrender

 

surrendering the fight

I have long wanted

what I wanted

when I wanted

how I wanted

after all, I had rights

things I was certain I deserved

and didn't God promise

to prosper me

to give me the desires 

of my heart?

my spirit fought

what was

wishing for what wasn't

what about my dreams?

my ideas? my, my, my....

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.

    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so my ways are higher than your ways

    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT

I am choosing

with deliberate intention

to give up the fight

for what I might see 

as perfect plans

that I might desire

what He desires

surrendering to ways

far beyond my own imagination

and thoughts so much higher than my own

that I can't quite grasp them

Day 23 of 31 Days of Surrender










and joining Emily in all my imperfection

 

Surrender like Esther

from the work of Lilian Broca

Esther was asked to live dangerously for the sake of her people.  Her very life was on the line if she went to speak to the King without being summoned.  She wanted to choose a simpler and safer way… but her uncle Mordechai reminded her:

For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from elsewhere, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this and for this very occasion? Esther 4:14 Amplified

Esther chose the way of the Lord, the way of surrender. She didn't know what the outcome would be.  She didn't know the mind of the King.  But she did know her God. She chose to trust Him even when her rational mind could only see danger. She sent this message back to Mordechai:

Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast for me; and neither eat nor drink for three days, night or day. I also and my maids will fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law; and if I perish, I perish.  Esther 4:16 Amplfied

Esther did not perish and in her choice to surrender her own safety her people were saved.  God rewarded her obedience.

I’m reminded of a favourite song, People on their Knees by Tracy Rahn:

No more wasting time

The days are nearly over

The Groom is quickly coming

He greets us with a kiss

And proclaims you have been chosen

For such a time as this

I chose to follow You

Forsaking all I know

I’m taking up my cross

And if I die, I die

To find my life in You

O Lord this is my cry

Will you join me in prayer? A simple, powerful and scary prayer? Tell Him with a sincere heart:

Lord, to find my life in You, I will do whatever You ask.

Day 22 of 31 Days of Surrender

 

every bit of me

my breath, my thoughts

my going out and my coming in

my ordinary

for His extraordinary

to be clay in His hands

shaped as He wills

however peculiar that may appear

to the world

He sees the diamond

in the coal black lump

the perfection in my mess

the mosaic of brokenness

safe in His hands

this is my desire

this is my surrender

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:1-2 The Message

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:1-2 NIV

Day 21 of 31 Days of Surrender

 

surrendering to change

The first snow has landed 

lightly on our land

all is covered with a dusting of white

I would grab hold of Autumn

wishing it to linger

but why whisper such a futile prayer

change is upon us

there is no profit in fighting

all is simply preparation

for a bigger change ahead

help me be a willing student

and learn my lessons well

He sends his command to the earth;

    his word runs swiftly.

He spreads the snow like wool

    and scatters the frost like ashes

Psalm 147:15-16 NIV

Day 20 of 31 Days of Surrender

 

surrendering words

in the silence

your breath is a prayer

as morning settles long and slow

lay down then

the need for words

be still

know

I Am

Day 19 of 31 Days of Surrender


and seeking the stillness at Patricia's today

 

surrendering communication

we have chosen to live 

in the wilds

surrounded by woods, fields

sky, space and silence

I breathe free here

but there is a cost

the trees block signals

from cell towers

texts and calls rarely come through

until I am away from home

this is why we have a land-line

an umbilical cord

of connection

to the world

effective until something

malfunctions

like mice nibbling 

in the junction box

almost a mile away

this has happened two or

three times over the years

and likely the cause

of our current

lack of service

I can't call out

no one can call in

and my cell signal

is almost

non-existant

I have grumbled

complained, pouted

frustration simmering hot

chipping away at nerves

I must find my peace

in surrender

giving up easy access

to anyone but Him

Who always hears

always listens

only a thought away

Then you will call on me 

and come and pray to me, 

and I will listen to you.

Jeremiah 29:12 NIV

Day 18 of 31 Days of Surrender
 

silent hopes and dreams

This is a song that I first heard in the early months of my rebirth.
It has never lost its impact.
There is always more to surrender, more to daily release.
God grant me the grace to follow hard after you.

I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand

In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory till I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours

I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires that all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain

So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise

I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
Well I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires that all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known
Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire
If all I have is all that You desire
I surrender all

I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires that all my kingdoms fall
That all my kingdoms fall, that all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

Songwriters: Hamm and Moffitt

Day 17 of 31 Days of Surrender

 

give in to the fog

For now we see through a glass, darkly; 

but then face to face: 

now I know in part; 

but then shall I know even as also I am known. 

1 Corinthians 13:12 KJV

so much I can not see clearly

squinting into the light

staring at deep darkness

fighting through haze

to know what I am not yet

to know

all of the questions rattle

who? what? where?

when? why?

but I believe I found 

the secret

to the how?

surrender to the fog

in faith

that He knows

all that I do not

and will sharpen my vision

with His own

in His time

patience then

have your way with me

Day 16 of 31 Days of Surrender 






plus walking with Emily in imperfection