cracks exposed

we have all been shattered

in ways we can't yet comprehend

and perhaps will not understand

until the day we look into His eyes

the One who collects every shard

to rebuild His beloved creation

torn apart by the ways of man

it is our brokenness

that both sets us apart

and unites us

if we could lay down the burden

the heavy weight of trying to hide 

the cracks and bruises

and see them instead

as holy places

waiting to be healed

accepting His mark, scarred 

but shining for His glory

Going through the motions doesn't please you,

    a flawless performance is nothing to you.

I learned God-worship

    when my pride was shattered.

Heart-shattered lives ready for love

    don’t for a moment escape God’s notice

Psalm 51:16-17 The Message

breathing in the whitespace with Bonnie 

small but brave

the world keeps getting bigger

for a small kitten, brave

each day adventure waits

new scents, sounds

exploration calls strong

to discover what life holds

in long summer hours

 

land rhythms

 taking a morning ride

to the dump

more discarding of things too broken to use

or save, or give away

Rick takes a longer route

avoiding the highway with the pickup full

the dump is not

a lovely place

but the ride, yes here

on the prairies late July

boasts of her crops

even in this year where farmers dread

the latest weather reports

the fields live and breathe

with a timing all their own

in farm country, the land's rhythm

overrules clocks and schedules

but feels right, more sensible

than the pressure rush

man creates in the city

for no good reason at all

I have grown to love this, here

even as I prepare to leave

for rhythms still unknown

Listen to me now.

    Give me your closest attention.

Do farmers plow and plow and do nothing but plow?

    Or harrow and harrow and do nothing but harrow?

After they've prepared the ground, don’t they plant?

    Don’t they scatter dill and spread cumin,

Plant wheat and barley in the fields

    and raspberries along the borders?

They know exactly what to do and when to do it.

    Their God is their teacher.

And at the harvest, the delicate herbs and spices,

    the dill and cumin, are treated delicately.

On the other hand, wheat is threshed and milled, but still not endlessly.

    The farmer knows how to treat each kind of grain.

He’s learned it all from God-of-the-Angel-Armies,

    who knows everything about when and how and where.

Isaiah 28:23-29 The Message

joining Kelli in celebrating unforced rhythms

 

within the storm

To be at peace, 

does not mean that you are amiss of every storm, 

it only means that you can find a calm within the storm

Tania Elizabeth

I placed an order

this morning

for mosquito nets

to create in the natural

a refuge

like that I find

in my God

safety

security

peace

looking for a still place with Sandy

 

packing

we are sorting through our life

in natural and physical ways

discarding, donating, gifting, selling and packing

there is the packing away

box after box after box

the wrapping, stacking, storing 

for a future time continues

but now also begins

the packing to go

sorting, stacking, sifting

with only two bags

and 40 kilograms each

books and other heavy things

must be selected with much thought

choosing the must haves

the wants and the maybes

preparing for two years

in the new, unknown

like walking blind

takes more faith than skill

I am leaning on the wisdom of those

who have walked a similar road

knowing that one day

I too will leave a trail of crumbs behind

for someone else to follow

He is sending me

He is taking me

I am packing Him

breathing in Him

loving Him with all my heart 

and with all my soul 

and with all my strength

Love God, your God, with your whole heart: 

love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you've got!

Deuteronomy 6:5 The Message

 

linking up at The Grove at Velvet Ashes talking about packing

 

morning walk

the morning rose clear

bright and fresh

perfect time to take a walk

around the bend

soaking in images

of the land I am leaving behind

turning back toward home

the house nestled in the trees

that soon will be home to others 

while we are away

the Shasta daisies

reaching to the sun

wild, invasive beauties

tended by the Master gardener

our water source

man's design to draw

what the Creator provided

may our hearts ever be open

to receive His promised

Living Water

if that is all we have

it is much more

than we will ever need

 On the final and climactic day of the Feast, 

Jesus took his stand. 

He cried out, “If anyone thirsts, 

let him come to me and drink. 

Rivers of living water will brim 

and spill out of the depths 

of anyone who believes in me this way, 

just as the Scripture says.”

John 7:38 The Message

 

rest

she lived free

to run, exploring

and defending the acres

that were her home

her only trips away

were to the kennel 

for boarding or the vet 

she went cheerfully to both

with tail wags and licks

always willing to share

her joy in the moment

even the pain that settled

in her bones did not hinder 

her desire to give love

yesterday morning

was no different she jumped 

happy into the backseat

of the car, only surprised

that I chose to climb in beside her

instead of taking my usual place 

in front, next to "the boss"

she didn't know 

it was her last ride

she didn't flinch or complain

when the veterinary assistant

held her back leg so the doctor

could shave through the thick fur

making room for the needle

she was too busy

giving and receiving affection

as we held and stroked her

cherishing each of her sweet kisses

as much as she enjoyed bestowing them

until the lure of sleep

called far too strong

and she lay down her head

breathing peaceful into death

in the same way she lived

with a rhythm all her own

joining Kelli where rhythms are never forced

 

aptitude of stillness

No domestic animal can be as still as a wild animal. 

The civilized people have lost the aptitude of stillness, 

and must take lessons in silence from the wild 

before they are accepted by it.

Isak Dinesen (Out of Africa)

I will to be still

to listen and hear

to watch and see

each new moment

an adventure 

to breathe

taste and tell

seeking the stillness with Sandy

 

preparing for goodbye

The longest I have ever been away from home

for work, or pleasure, or short term mission

is three weeks, but now

we are in final preparation

for two years in Zambia and Malawi

the fulfillment of dreams brings

packing, paperwork, prayer

and a long series of goodbyes

perhaps one of the most difficult

will be the first, scheduled for Monday morning

my beautiful girl Faith

has grown stiff with age

the brilliant blue of her eyes

fading with years and pain

anti-inflammatory drugs

have given her time

to run, jump, play

enjoying the acreage

that has been her only home

Rick and I her only owners

she has known love

and given love

unconditionally

life has been good

and twelve years long

I cannot bear the thought

that she would continue to ache

or grow confused in our absence

waiting and wondering

when we would return

all this, and then the lumps

appearing at random

beneath her thick fur

forced this impossible decision

Monday morning

we will release her

back to her Creator

holding her paws, as the medicines 

remove the pain permanently

filling her with peace

a peace we can take comfort in

even as it will take longer

to find us

linking up with my friends at The Grove at Velvet Ashes

 

unplanted

Rick did not plant

this year, knowing

we are leaving 

mid season, why spend

time and money

on what we can not harvest

and yet

a few flowers

are springing up wild

amongst the weeds

a delight of colour

a gift, unexpected

a tickle 

from a loving Father

His beauty on display

 

lasts and firsts

this is a season

of both endings

and beginnings, firsts

and lasts

yesterday we drove through the park

under the glory of His painted skies

headed to a town two hours from home

for the last time before we leave

we made the most of the day

happy in each other's presence

checking things off our shopping list

in the middle of our series of lasts

we chose to share a first

and instead of a sensible lunch

we dove into a dish of poutine

a French Canadian standard

french fries crisp

cheese curds melting 

beneath hot dark gravy

we savoured simply

to say we had, finally

knowing we wouldn't have

the opportunity later

for the days after the days 

of lasts will be filled

with other firsts

too many to count

we licked salty lips

left smiling

 

eating the stillness

Silence helps us to understand our inner self. 

If we want to understand God's way for us, 

silence is needed. 

Stillness and quiet are like nourishment

O.S.B. André Gozier

all I want, need

to know

is the stillness

in Him, of Him

with Him

may I open wide my mouth

and see that He is good

seeking to be still with Sandy

 

enjoy

there is a sense of urgency

to the work I press myself to do

the packing, the paperwork

the running about to set things in place

this is new ground

never have we packed up a life

to leave it behind

crossing cultural bridges

to follow God's call 

to Malawi

Rick's last day at work is July 31st

the plan my mind holds

is to be finished or near finished

with all but the packing of suitcases

this will leave us

eighteen days in August

to gather with loved ones

those we have held

and will continue to hold

dear in our hearts

eighteen days

to dive into the work

of goodbyes

to embrace

to laugh

to cry

strange to think

that enjoy could describe tears

but oh, their taste

even salty

shall be sweet

sharing in community at the Grove at Velvet Ashes

 

writing a life

in posts and tweets and status reports

it seems that more and more

of those I know, are writing books

in my honesty, transparency

I admit, here

that my heart stings, aches

turns toward envy

then, yes, then

I console myself with this --

they are writing books

but I am not still

I am writing a life

I have grown accustomed

to much time alone

to breathe, expand

ponder and play with words

now time rushes past me

filled with the tasks

of living my word for 2014

prepare

soon, in the blink of an eye

I will transition yet again

from preparation

to actualization

as we step into our new life

my heart both races ahead

and lags behind

and words will come 

when they will

joining Bonnie in a small act of creation

 

learn to learn

I know that

life will slow

time will come

and linger

and I will sit

with words, enveloped

snuggled in

but for just now

those moments

belong to all

I have surrendered

fighting for peace

steals my peace

as I learn to learn

to find stillness

in the rush

For everything there is a season,

    a time for every activity under heaven.

 A time to be born and a time to die.

    A time to plant and a time to harvest.

 A time to kill and a time to heal.

    A time to tear down and a time to build up.

 A time to cry and a time to laugh.

    A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

 A time to search and a time to quit searching.

    A time to keep and a time to throw away.

 A time to tear and a time to mend.

    A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

 A time to love and a time to hate.

    A time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NLT

 

softly home

the day dawned

anything but still

as we drove into the sunrise

to host our fundraising yard sale

now the heat of the day

the swarming mosquitoes

and the noise of the shoppers

is merely memory

as I find my silence

here, in the refuge

of words, typed softly

home

trying to find a still place with Sandy

 

other side of the fence

I have been making frequent short trips to town

running errands, collecting necessities

all part of our preparations for Africa

there is a  farm near the end of the road

right before I hit the highway

and it seems like each time I pass

a different calf has found a way

to wander free, exploring life

on the other side of the fence

by the time I make the return trip

everyone is safely back 

in the same pasture

I too, rejoice

that no matter how far

I travel, thinking I can

make my own way

I am never far from His sight

and always, always welcome home

But for you that honor my name, 

victory will shine like the sun with healing in its rays, 

and you will jump around like calves at play

  Malachi 4:2 CEV