26 October 2014

prodigal daughter

This is supposed to be quiet time, yet even with music pouring in through earphones there is the distraction of other noise.  It is a picture of the distraction I have felt in our relationship Lord, during a time when I should be closer to you than ever.  Help me to carve out time, to hold it sacred and not allow anything to take me from Your presence.

I am so sorry for losing my way.  I am left feeling like there is no solid ground – for it seems I have chosen not to stand on You and in You.  I have forfeited all the promises that come to those who dwell in your secret place. The vine has not moved but my branch has wandered.

I have been grumbling and complaining, focusing on what is negative instead of looking for Your hand.  I have been looking to the future and missing the moment at hand.

Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him
Psalm 37:5-7a NIV

The Lord makes firm the steps
    of the one who delights in him;
 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
    for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
Psalm 37:23-24 NIV

I know You are holding me Lord, it leaves me humbled and astounded.  Why would you have such patience with a wandering heart like mine? I am in Your hands, moment by moment brought back to the need to surrender, but there is still such struggle left in my flesh, trying to hold on to what I perceive as my rights, even as I know I have no rights.  It is all You and how can I rise up against You?  Forgive me, again and again and again Lord.

I am crawling back, Your prodigal daughter, longing for reconnection to the Vine, to drink deep, to be filled afresh with all that You Are as I pull the plug to drain away all that I am.  May I let go, allow my life to be poured out like a drink offering on no other altar but Yours.

You treat yourself harshly, little one.
Do not allow the voice of condemnation to crush you, 
for My love is sure, 
My voice soft as I sing over you to draw you home.  
I know you hear Me so I need not shout.
You are closer than you imagine 
and I hear your heart for it stills beats with Mine.  
Your peace is here.  
Your joy is here. 
 I Am here. 
 And here you are again.


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