psalm 9

psalm 9

this pair of eyes looks hard

up and down, around

seeing all there is to see

naturally, but with lenses self-crafted

that distort, deceive, and deny truth

mirroring back what my wicked heat desires

this pair of ears listens hard

hearing what there is to hear

naturally, but with filters self-designed

to mute or amplify or alter sounds

echoing back what my hungry heart requests

too much of me, ENOUGH of me 

give me Your eyes, Your ears

vision and perception Holy Spirit clarified

to know and be known by You

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. 

Now I know in part, but then I shall know 

just as I also am known.

1 Corinthians 13:12 NKJV

Open ears

My Mom - who has unimpaired ears!

I have known for quite a long time (as have many of you who engage in face to face conversation with me) that I have struggled with hearing loss in my left ear.  Too often I need to ask for words to be repeated and even then I often give up in frustration before truly understanding what is being said. 

I have attributed this to aging and genetics and grown somewhat used to turning my good right ear toward sounds I am trying to capture.  I've gotten accustomed to missing much of what is said in movies or on television.  I've even used the impairment to my advantage, pressing my good ear hard into the pillow at night so I don't hear Faith when she goes on a barking spree.

I have both complained and made jokes about the problem.  It was only when the ringing and roaring in my ear became a constant distraction that I decided to seek help.

A visit with an ear, nose and throat specialist confirmed my difficulties.  Monday's testing with an audiologist measured the extent of the problem.  Something has damaged the nerve, the loss is defined as permanent and an MRI is scheduled for the end of May to investigate the cause.

It seems like a long time to wait and ponder.  I will continue to release all of this into His hands, willing to be a sign and a wonder if He should choose to restore what has been called unrecoverable.

I will continue to open the ears of my spirit, which operate on a different wavelength.  Hearing His voice doesn't need my damaged nerve, it simply needs my hungry heart.