cracks in thin air

light, lace, life

cracks in thin air

something hushed

but stirring

past mingles with not yet

what was, is, will be

inhale spice melange, savoury

and sweet

here I feel old, connected

to something unknown

shadowed secrets

then touches now

in the breeze

who can deny

new and glorious

each and every day

fresh hope, mercy

and promise

who can deny

the work of His hand?

psalm 46

psalm 46

the silence of waiting 

is deafening, here

in the in-between

almost afraid to breathe

are You Who You said You Are?

will I stand alone now, forever

the loss of Your presence, fresh

raw, my heart torn wide

the future veiled, I see

only memories, grasping nothing

hope slips fast away

morning will come

the promise of Your glory

but for now, faith trembles

breathing again

The heavens declare the glory of God;

    the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Psalm 19:1 NIV

I've always been one to appreciate the beauty of God’s handiwork displayed as the sun begins it’s ascent in the morning sky.

Yet the darkness seemed to be settling in deep, driving me inwards, even as the light dawned.  

God’s glory hovering over Malawi was a call we never doubted. Wide eyed, innocent and willing to be obedient, we hungrily stepped into our first full time mission assignment. In a very short time the things we expected, the life we thought we would be living and the work we had felt called to do was crumbling in our hands.  I didn't know what to do with the disappointment. 

Like Christ’s disciples on the day following His crucifixion how could I imagine life would continue? I completed whatever tasks were given to me, never certain if my work was sufficient. Frightened of failure, I couldn't reconcile with the idea of giving up but did not know how to move forward.
Stuck and shaken, weeks passed living in the lonely space between Good Friday and Easter morning; between what was and what isn't yet.  I could only see what I was losing, budding relationships with Malawian people who had crawled straight into my heart.

I stopped talking to my Lord, certain he would see me as I saw myself, faulty and not up to the assignment He had set before me. I stepped off the only Rock that could sustain me and the world spun with a fierceness that stripped my breath.

Have you been there, convinced that somehow God stopped paying attention, didn't care, leaving you desolate and shaking?

Jesus, how could you leave us?  What about the Kingdom You promised? Now what are we to do? We can only assume what those who had followed Christ were thinking during those long hours of in-between.

There is a day after Saturday; for them, for you and for me.  When I was so weary I couldn’t reach for Him, He reached down and lifted me. When my words ran dry, His were fresh, true and life sustaining.

You are looking for Me in the ashes.  I Am not there, I have risen. The same power that lifted Me from the tomb resides in you. This is not the end of the road, far, far from it. Rise then, to new plans and purposes, designed by My hand. 

I am breathing again, gulping life. This is not an end to the road, just a redirection. We will not work in Malawi, but we will serve where He chooses. I know He will use me, broken and frail. Hopes once crushed have been resurrected, bold and bright as Sunday morning.

Linking up at The High Calling as we ponder Resurrection


 

reverse fade

 

tension and confusion

left cracks

in my spirit

the air grew thin

as light faded

harder each day

to inhale Him

but even as I was letting go

He held me strong

I grabbed hold

before all hope leaked away

 learning anew

 how to breathe

exhale anxiety

inhale peace

exhale defeat

inhale victory

exhale self

inhale Jesus

life, light and joy returning

not in drips 

now in cascades

 May the God of your hope 

so fill you with all joy and peace in believing 

[through the experience of your faith] 

that by the power of the Holy Spirit 

you may abound 

and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope.

Romans 15:13 Amplified

missing the mark

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NIV

Karin is far from patient

Karin is often but not always kind

at times she finds it difficult to avoid envy

Karin tries not to boast, except in her Lord

Karin struggles with pride 

Karin does not intentionally dishonor others

she is self-seeking more often than she'd like

is too easily angered

sadly keeps record of wrongs she would rather erase

Karin does not delight in evil 

she rejoices with and hungers for truth

she protects what she loves

is learning to trust

always hopes

sometimes gives up, sometimes perseveres

Karin regularly fails

He is love. He created me in His image.

His Word describes in detail what love is.

I fall far short of the mark

and depend on His abundant grace

a gift beyond price

my prayer is that His glory is revealed

even in my imperfection

walking with Emily and the forgiven imperfect

 

all in the waiting

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope

For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; 

wait without love

For love would be love of the wrong thing; 

there is yet faith

But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.

Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought. 

So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness, the dancing.

T.S. Eliot

One year ago, it was not the Saturday of waiting

for the glory of Easter Sunday, no

that day of rejoicing had come

and gone, weeks before

last year today was a Friday

a different day of waiting

for what we knew would come

but could never prepare for

and by Saturday, she was

simply no longer here

grief is sticky, having 

it's way with me

there is no calendar

for mourning

no limit to tears

I wait for Sunday

in the stillness with Sandy

 

Good Friday clouds

By now it was noon. The whole earth became dark, 

the darkness lasting three hours—a total blackout. 

The Temple curtain split right down the middle. 

Jesus called loudly, “Father, I place my life in your hands!” 

Then he breathed his last. 

Luke 23:44-46 The Message

I set my self

in silence, dark

to imagine what 

we can not

even in the thickness

of clouds cover, we

who have chosen Him

will ever see light

Sunday is just around the corner friends...

joining Bonnie and friends finding whitespace

 

still in the marketplace

"Be still and acknowledge that I am God" 

(Psalm 46:10).  

These are words to take with us 

in our busy lives.  

We may think about stillness 

in contrast to our noisy world.  

But perhaps we can go further 

and keep an inner stillness 

even while we carry on business, 

teach, work in construction, 

make music, or organise meetings.

It is important to keep a still place 

in the "marketplace."  

This still place

 is where God can dwell 

and speak to us.  

It also is the place from where 

we can speak in a healing way 

to all the people we meet in our busy days. 

Without that still space we start spinning.  

We become driven people, running all over the place 

without much direction.  

But with that stillness 

God can be our gentle guide 

in everything we think, say, or do.

Henri Nouwen

This was a street side market

in Kampala, Uganda

November 2007

colours bright, voices loud

all seemed a bit chaotic

and I thought

but Lord, you've transformed me

from urban

to a quiet country girl

would you then place me back

in the crowds?

I am unsure 

of what Malawi

will bring

but find hope, peace

and challenge

in Henri's words

to learn to carry

the stillness

with me

in me, always

in the still place with Sandy

 

steam and spice

Canada breathes cold on the other side of my door

while in here I'm dreaming Africa

filling my house with warm

chapati, hot peppers, beans

coconut milk and curry

cooking and eating in solidarity

with those who have so much less

and so much more, than we

who think we have it all

in the steam and the spice

hope thrives

 

when I see you - I see me

I can almost feel the tears wet on your cheeks.

Sticks and stones break bones, and you've been lucky to avoid that kind of pain. But unlike the old rhyme, names and words cut deeper than flesh, leaving wounds that may take a lifetime to heal. What was it this time?  Fatso?  Ugly?  Stupid?  You've heard the words often enough that you begin to believe them, and worse, you think you're the only one deserving of such teasing.

I can almost taste the salt of those tears.  And the sting of isolation.  You are certain that you are all by yourself. But know this, little me. You are not alone, have never been, alone.  God is beside you, holding you even as you shake with sorrow.  He is molding you, preparing you to become the me that writes these words.

Years will teach you that some of what was said was true. You are not like everyone else.  But you will grow to celebrate all the ways in which you are unique.  One day someone will speak words of pure truth over you that will bathe all of those scars:

You are not different, you are set apart.
By Him and for Him.
His design with which He is well pleased.
And loved, oh so very loved.

Want to help a little life know the love of both God and man?  Consider sponsoring a child today.

I can hardly believe that it has been a year since I joined in Compassion Blog Month 2012.  God moved hearts and many children found love and care through those who began new sponsorships. While it was a joy to see love in action the needs are still great.

The goal this year is to get 3,160 children sponsored online by 11:59 p.m. mountain time on September 30.

joining Emily and the imperfect redeemed

Compassion in Nicaragua

Tomorrow a team of bloggers is flying down to Nicaragua to experience Compassion International’s ministry.  They will be sharing what they see and feel and how God touches their hearts in ways only He can.

I will be following their journey and so can you at the links below:

Shaun Groves - Team Leader at ShaunGroves.com
Brianne McKoy - Team Leader at Compassion Blog
Christy Jordan - blogger at Southern Plate
Edie - blogger at Life in Grace
Kelly - blogger at Faithful Provisions
Traci - blogger at Beneath My Heart
Mike Varel - Photographer/Videographer at Mike Varel Digital Storytelling
Keely Scott - Photographer at KeelyMarieScott.com

Today Edie posted the following pre-departure words on her blog Twas the night before...:

Am I ready? 

No.  I’m so not ready. 

But, I stand in good company with those who were unsure, doubtful, fearful, and  ill-equipped, and went anyway. 

This time tomorrow, I’ll be on the other side of a giant wall;  a wall made of oceans and money and governments and  wars.  I’ll be on the other side of what separates our world from theirs.

My prayer is that Christ will give us ears to hear and eyes to see;  that He will make us know that what unites us is so much more powerful than what divides us.

As I read Edie's words, the following prayer stirred within me --

None of us are ready Lord, not one.
It is not our abilities that you can use but our availability.
I pray for a heart that yields and a spirit that bends to Yours.
May the words and images that these sojourners share
break my heart while they inspire with hope.

 

When Mockingbirds Sing by Billy Coffey

Thomas Nelson, the publishers of Billy Coffey's latest novel When Mockingbirds Sing begin their description of the story with this line:

What marks the boundary between a miracle from God and the imagination of a child?

In this new novel, Billy Coffey introduces us to a world of faith, doubt and God's mysterious ways, seen through the eyes of a lonely child.  Leah believes in "the maybe" and has to face the sad truth that many people around do not.  When she begins painting prophetic pictures the town begins to swirl.

As he weaves threads of lives together into a stunning whole, Billy holds up a mirror that reflects not only our faces but our hearts.  I'd like to think that my faith is strong, but like the people of Mattingly, I admit that I too can waver when I see things I don't quite understand.

I will not share more because I fear spoiling the story, but I encourage you to take a journey to Mattingly, to meet all the people dwelling there, including The Rainbow Man.  If you are anything like me, you will smile, you will weep, spend some time on your knees and then you'll hunger for more.

I was given a complimentary copy of this novel.  The opinions I have expressed are my own.

and now... the winner of their own copy of When Mockingbirds Sing is --

Holly Grantham who wrote:

What gives me courage is hearing other folks' stories. To know that someone else in the big wide world has braved something hard and challenging and lived to tell about it--well, it infuses me with strength I didn't have before. Vulnerability begets vulnerability and vulnerability is fueled by courage.

Contact me with your shipping address Holly and we'll have the book on its way to you!

  

Winter lingers

Facebook and Twitter messages flash on my screen, 

telling me of seeds planted, buds appearing, 

blossoms beginning to thrive. 

Such is March in the lives of many.

I have chosen life on the Canadian prairies, 

western Manitoba, 

where snow falls early and stays late.  

The flakes first appear in early October 

and can fall fresh in mid-May.

This is home.

The long winters teach lessons in patience and hope.  

We flip through seed catalogues, 

water the indoor plants 

and believe in what we cannot yet see.

Faith means ·being sure [the assurance; or the tangible reality; 

or the sure foundation] of the things we hope for 

and ·knowing that something is real even if we do not see it

[the conviction/assurance/evidence about things not seen]. 

Hebrews 11:1 Expanded Bible


Linking up with Lisa-Jo today

 

Digging in

I have grown fat

on a diet rich

with disappointments

learned to crave bitter

the salt of too many tears

cracked lips, tongue

till sweet almost slipped away

lost to memory

so I'm letting go

of those one notes

seeing the need for parfaits

layers of flavour

stripes of hope

cool to a fevered brow

spices to entice, delight

awaken a heart turned ice jagged

give me a long thin silver spoon

I'm digging in deep 

Talking about letting go at Peter's where the word is disappointments

and joining the poetry jam about stripes

 

Blessed

You’re blessed when you care. 

At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ 

you find yourselves cared for. 

Matthew 5:7 The Message

 

singing in Deidra's Sunday choir

 

Unshaken

My soul, wait only upon God 

and silently submit to Him; 

for my hope and expectation are from Him. 

He only is my Rock and my Salvation; 

He is my Defense and my Fortress, 

I shall not be moved. 

Psalm 62:5-6 Amplified

 

 Singing with Deidra and the Sunday choir

 

Sunday flower

Blossoming flowers look great before they're cut or picked,

but without soil or water they wither more quickly than grass.

That's what happens to all who forget God—

all their hopes come to nothing.

Job 8:12-13 The Message

 

Joining Deidra and the Sunday choir

 

Finding strength

But those who wait for the Lord

[who expect, look for, and hope in Him]

shall change and renew their strength and power;

they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God]

as eagles [mount up to the sun];

they shall run and not be weary,

they shall walk and not faint or become tired. 

Isaiah 40:31

 
Joining the Sunday chorus of praise at Deidra's

Heroes and Monsters - J.J. Riebock

I had not heard of Josh James Riebock or his first book mY Generation but when I read the description of his new book Heroes and Monsters: An Honest Look at the Struggle within All of Us I was intrigued:

In this stunningly honest, thoroughly unconventional, and ultimately hopeful book, Josh James Riebock explores issues that form us into the people we are--issues of family, love, intimacy, dreams, grief, purpose, and the unexpected stops along the journey. With artful prose and vivid storytelling, he shows that pain and beauty are so inextricably linked that to lose the former costs us the latter.

Honesty and hope are what I find myself hungry for and Riebock delivers hefty helpings of both as he steps into spaces in his soul that few choose to share.

The transparency in the words one who has learned that life in Christ is not simple kept me turning page after page, laughing, weeping and nodding my head with an "amen" on my lips. This story shows us that life makes more sense to us when we can look back and trace the journey.

We exchange vows, and in doing so, I break an old one. Sure, I swore I’d never get married. But I guess life is a matter of knowing which vows matter most and which ones you’re better off without. Sometimes it’s the broken vows that let us know how far we’ve come.

Riebock has come far indeed and I am grateful that he allows us to come along for the ride.

If you are looking for an easy story, I suggest you leave this book on the shelf. If however, you desire to be challenged and changed as well as entertained don't miss this well written tale.

Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group.  The opinions I have expressed are my own.