this open place

I was new born in Christ

a rebirth at age forty-three

I had struggled long

and dark to surrender

it was the end of week one

after giving up, giving in

family did not understand

or believe, tension

and anger made room for doubt

arguing left me

weary, tears spilling

as I drove home, aching

to know if I really believed

what I professed, God

where are You? rattled

unspoken in my hungry heart

I parked the car in it's usual 

spot by the back entrance

of the apartment building

as I was about to enter

I remembered

I hadn't checked the mail

and walked alongside the building

to the courtyard in front

God Himself must have tilted

my head upward

He had glory to reveal

for there, in the thick

cover of night

was an opening, a break

in the heavy clouds

glowing golden light

of an almost full moon

I stopped, stilled, jaws open

I don't know when I took in

breath, the late October air

was creeping through

my coat, chilling

every

part

of

me

yet I could not 

move

I remained rooted

to the ground, there

but my spirit

soaring, my heart

rejoicing, speaking

to my God

without sound

Thank You

You are there

and You have made a way

this open place

for me to see You

a break in the sky

for me to reach

into and break

through

tears mingled with

the wonder

and faith settled in

deeper than that night sky

Joining Kelli in Unforced Rhythms

and continuing to let creativity have it's way as I work through Dave Harrity's Making Manifest, where yesterday's exercise was to recall a time I felt a vivid sense of awe.

 

glory in knowing Him

Thus says the Lord: 

“Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, 

let not the mighty man glory in his might, 

let not the rich man glory in his riches; 

but let him who glories glory in this, 

that he understands and knows me, 

that I am the Lord 

who practice steadfast love,

justice, and righteousness in the earth; 

for in these things I delight, 

says the Lord.”

  Jeremiah 9:23-24 RSV

singing with Deidra and the Sunday choir

 

Fourteen years ago, today

Fourteen years ago, today, on the third of May, 2000, I made the second most important step of my life, the first being to choose Jesus, which enabled the next!    This is the story of that day.  I have posted it before, but it is a tale well worth repeating.

My bags were packed; plans were made for my mother to drive me to the airport. It was the night before my flight, and there was nothing left to do but talk with Rick on the phone and sleep. I was excited, but also nervous and listening yet again to fear and doubt, words that were not coming from the mouth of God.

“What if you decide I'm too ugly” I asked “I'm scared. I'm sure of God but not sure of me.”

“Why don't you take a tranquilizer or sleeping pill if you have one” he said. “You need to get some rest tonight and not worry so. Unless you develop Elephant Man disease overnight, there is nothing to worry about.”

Somehow his words and the time we spent in prayer together soothed me and I was able to get a little bit of sleep. I rose ready to face whatever the Lord was about to do.

When my mother was dropping me off at the airport, she asked “Are you going to come back married?”

“Maybe so” I answered, not wanting to admit that we had already planned for that.

“Will you call when you get there, to let us know you're safe?”

“Of course I will Mom, and don't worry.” A quick hug and kiss goodbye and I walked into the airport terminal and a new beginning.

Once the plane had reached cruising altitude I did what came naturally. I pulled out my journal and began to write:

It is so bright up here in God's light. Surrounded by the light this morning on the first part of journey. But.. I have had His light around me for weeks now. I am so sure of Him, in a way I had not previously felt.

Oh my precious Father, what new words can I find to praise You? How to best let Your name be glorified? Let Your light shine through me, Lord, for every living soul to see Your reflection in me.

I ask for guidance this morning Father, trusting that You will lead me where You want me, but not quite trusting myself. Let me not chase after my own desires, but continue to seek what You desire of me.

The time spent in prayer and reflection soothed my spirit. Stashing the journal back in my carry on, I was ready for the plane to land and to walk into the arms of the man who waited for me.

I stood in the immigration services line with my passport, thinking it odd that Canada was a foreign country. While I waited I remembered Rick's words to his pastor when he had asked Rick how he could be so sure I was the right woman for him. “I'm 99 percent sure now. When I meet her at the airport I'll be a hundred percent sure.” 

Then I was called to the desk, where the officer asked me “What is the purpose of your visit, business or pleasure?”

“Pleasure. Definitely pleasure” I replied, while thinking “and about my Father's business”

The officer stamped my passport and I was free to retrieve my bags when they came around on the carousel. The two suitcases were bulky and hard to handle and I felt foolish for packing so much.

One more line to wait in for the customs agent, who simply took my declaration card and said “Welcome to Canada” and I walked through the doors to find Rick, wearing the hat he said he would wear so I would recognize him, just in case he looked different than his picture.

After weeks of imagining what it would feel like, I was held tight in his embrace. Then he whispered very clearly in my ear “a hundred and ten percent, baby.”

“Hundred and ten, eh?” I laughed, feeling every bit of apprehension drain from my being. I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be, at last.

 

consider the lilies

Be content - just for a short time - 

to sit unwired, unbothered, 

in the quiet of your home.  

Be still and enjoy it. 

Do as Christ urges in Luke 12 

and consider the lilies - 

be present, pay attention - 

don't cultivate concern but focus.

Dave Harrity

Consider the lilies, how they grow. They neither [wearily] toil nor spin nor weave; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory (his splendor and magnificence) was not arrayed like one of these. 

Luke 12:27 Amplified

in the still places with Sandy

 

signs of Spring

the ground is clear of snow

save for along the tree lines

and spots protected from the sun

we live on high land

so even the mud has soaked well in

and we can walk the yard on dry ground

until the rains come

the rains that gather in brooding clouds

dark but beautiful

there are sure signs of Spring's return

Rick caught a glimpse of this year's first litter of kittens

robins and flickers are returning

and other more annoying things with wings

flies, and yes, even mosquitos have been spotted

temperatures still drop below freezing in the night

the future could yet hold more snow

but it is Spring

undeniable, irrepressible Spring

let all the earth rejoice

So let Heaven rejoice, let Earth be jubilant,

    and pass the word among the nations, “God reigns!”

1 Chronicles 16:31 The Message

 

my eyes, His

today I began
the first of May
exercise one in Making Manifest

What do you want to see in the world? What do you hope for? What people and events have shaped your vision? What informs it most? What is it that you want to say to the world? What do you want your voice to be for?

I was struck by this line in the opening poem

There's a waking in every wilderness

and I began to write:

I want to see whatever my Lord chooses 

for my eyes

to hold the vision

using words, images crafted

to capture time

even as it refuses to be captured

I want to see what He wants me to see

but so often turn my eyes

to my own desire

to have my way, yet again

I am moved 

by the perfect

crystals of memory

recorded by poets

and other writers

of broken prose

imperfect, like me

attempting to leave behind

a road map of sorts

a trail of scattered crumbs

that can lead a weary

wanderer toward

the heart of God

Who chooses to unite

my eyes with His

creating vision unique

filled with colour

with light

with life

also creating whitespace with Bonnie

missing the mark

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NIV

Karin is far from patient

Karin is often but not always kind

at times she finds it difficult to avoid envy

Karin tries not to boast, except in her Lord

Karin struggles with pride 

Karin does not intentionally dishonor others

she is self-seeking more often than she'd like

is too easily angered

sadly keeps record of wrongs she would rather erase

Karin does not delight in evil 

she rejoices with and hungers for truth

she protects what she loves

is learning to trust

always hopes

sometimes gives up, sometimes perseveres

Karin regularly fails

He is love. He created me in His image.

His Word describes in detail what love is.

I fall far short of the mark

and depend on His abundant grace

a gift beyond price

my prayer is that His glory is revealed

even in my imperfection

walking with Emily and the forgiven imperfect