not at all pretty

I can't write this post 

with lyrical light

or pretty prose

what I'm looking at

is big, ugly

frightening in its depth

and power

it is need

roaring, aching

need to be seen, heard

recognized

it opened like a gaping hole

yesterday

and I stepped into it

eyes wide open

falling hard

fast and completely

most people know I have written a novel

I would like to see published

desire it so very much

that I allowed my ears 

and heart to be teased

tickled and tempted

by a dangling carrot

too sweet to be real

I nibbled, briefly

long enough to spin

and dance and sing

proclaiming my good fortune

to all who would hear

only by His grace

I sensed the gentle tug

of the Holy Spirit

through the fog

I was able to slam on the brakes

avoiding the train wreck

of contractual destruction

finances were not in danger

but the security and ownership

of my work may well have been at risk

today, on my knees

naked before Him

and you

I am licking wounds

offering my heart

for cleansing and repair

Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my countenance, and my God. Psalm 42:11 Amplified




walking in transparent imperfection with Emily