16 August 2012

Letter to myself...

Bonnie is back with a new Faith Jam.  She asks us:

What would you say to your younger self – based on what you know now? At what point in life would you wish to speak to her– and what would you say?

I chose to reach back to a time right before I heard the knock of Jesus upon my heart, when I attempted to fill myself with anything and everything but Him, about fifteen years ago.

Dear Karin:
Are you alone now?
Are you sober, mind not altered by drink or drug?
I’d really like to talk with you.
I need you to hear me.
How I wish you could hear me.

I know that hunger drives you
a wide yearning place
you have wandered in for years
you think nothing can fill.

You have stuffed it with food
until the outside of you grew wide as the sea
yet still you drowned in the empty.

You cram in any sign of approval
striving to be smarter, funnier, the best at anything
believing you are the worst at everything.

You are deaf to the voice that speaks true love
how I wish you could hear Him.
He is patient
more patient than you or I
in His waiting.

Your parents named you Caryn
thinking to honor an uncle Charlie
but God’s hand was upon that choice
knowing the root meaning, from Katherine
means pure.

That is the way He sees you
no matter how low you sink
no matter how much filth you pour into your life.
How much it must hurt Him
to watch you want what you want
chasing the thrill of dirty
choosing lust, rejecting love
ever alone, unfilled, starving.

Hold on Karin
the darkness will scatter
there is One Who will redeem
and wash away the grime
rebuild, restore
and claim you as His own, His pure one.

This life you’re clinging to will crumble like dust
and so much pain will cut through
how I‘m sorry for that pain
but you have to walk through it
so your eyes will see the space you can never fill
and the One Who waits and will.

Your ears will at last be open to the voice of love
and the heart you think you do not possess
will burst with the wonder of Him.

We will worship together
you and I,
I and I,
He in us.

with all my love,

Me, you, His pure Karin

Still, I know that God lives—the One who gives me back my life— and eventually he'll take his stand on earth  Job 19:25 The Message

Thrilled to be back in the Jam with Bonnie


Anonymous said...

Good to read both of your past and how changed you have become. I've missed the Faith Jams terribly over these past 5 months, haven't you?
One thing, you mentioned seeking approval and it clicked for me that when people are doing that thing...what they really need is Godly love. I keep forgetting that.
Thank you.

Jephyr said...

Beautifully written. I once wrote a letter to myself as a teenager. Other than God...who knows us better than ourselves. God Bless you as you finish your journey!


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