One True Voice

Last week I got an early jump on the Love Idol Movement
all part of being pathologically early I suppose
as I pondered and prayed, I posted:

I continue to discover how deep
my need to gain approval
of my heart, my thoughts
my words
when I look honestly
I see myself
leaning too hard on comments
virtual pats on the back
blog followers, social networking ego kisses

The day after the post went live, I felt convicted to share the following confession on Facebook:

in attempt to continue to walk bold and naked before you, in transparency, I must admit how deep my idol has dug in -- I linked to my first love idol post yesterday -- and instead of trusting that the words shared are what He desired and leaving it there, I continue to check for views, likes, etc. This morning, when I saw that many have commented on other posts, yet no comments on mine, the arrows of the enemy flew fast.
And this on a post speaking to not needing approval of my words...

I simply felt that I had to come clean.  Confession felt good. Maybe I'll be able to get a handle on this thing. But then... Oh why is there always a but?

I found myself clicking back to see if anyone responded and reacted to the Facebook post.

My mind returns again and again to the same faulty reasoning:
I hear the voice of insecurity that says I am not okay
but I believe that if I can get you to approve of me I am okay
but there is never enough, the approval hunger is a bottomless well
the satisfaction drains away, cannot be stored, there is no filling

My people have committed a compound sin:
they've walked out on me, the fountain
Of fresh flowing waters, and then dug cisterns—
cisterns that leak, cisterns that are no better than sieves
Jeremiah 2:13 The Message

The working title of my novel is Redeeming Silence, the story of a young woman struggling to quiet lying voices in her heart and mind, learning to hear the One True Voice. This also is the journey I am on.

This morning, I asked the Lord to share, and ever faithful, I sensed Him say:

Again and again the voices come
Again and again you try to run
Run to Me where love waits
I Am your Approver
I Am your Rock
I Am your Silence

Take your peace

I am still praying through what steps I will take during this Lenten period to enable me to face the glory of Resurrection Sunday conformed more to His image.  One idea that has dropped into my spirit is that for every blog comment I receive, whether neutral, negative or positive I will read and meditate on a passage of scripture, leaning hard into His Word so freely given.

facing Love Idols with Jennifer
if you want to join us - start here










also walking with Emily in accepted imperfection

 

seeing the ugly idols

Bonnie asked us to share what we are learning about ourselves
at the same time Jennifer Dukes Lee is challenging us
to uncover and face our love idols then surrender them
during Lent and all the days that follow

it isn't easy to look at ugly
and particularly difficult
when the ugly is our own
fully rooted and thriving

I continue to discover how deep
my need to gain approval
of my heart, my thoughts
my words
when I look honestly
I see myself
leaning too hard on comments
virtual pats on the back
blog followers, social networking ego kisses

I think perhaps I write less than I could
or should, permitting fear
to block the flow

for if there is no output to be judged
I won't have to confront the possibility
that my words don't sing to the hearts of others
that my words have no weight, no power
no place to bear fruit

silly, that

for the words are not mine anyway
I have surrendered them
to Him, allowing Him to set the pace
the meter, message,
I am simply a pen
in His hand, the words
already pre-approved

I covet your prayers
as I take this time to soak in truth
allowing it to saturate my heart
silencing seductive lies
and together may we learn
how deep, how wide, how everlasting
is the love He lavishes freely upon us

And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:18 The Message




jamming with Bonnie