love upturned

I felt a strange pull to listen to an old Suzanne Vega song, perhaps that which she was most known for.  In the lyrics to Luka she sings:

They only hit until you cry
After that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore

I was stopped, breathless
understanding the words 
in my own aching heart
in a way I never have before

why now?

I only pondered for a moment
before a deep knowing settled
for I can now add my name 
to the long list
of those who feel the sting
of the type of emotional abuse,
that leaves you shattered
tear-soaked, fragile
and uncertain if you are 
who you always thought you were

I made the temporary bed
in our place of refuge
this morning
without paying much attention
to the order of the throw pillows
not noticing I had allowed love
to be turned upside down

I have been blind
but my eyes are opening
what was taken, ripped away
is being restored
I was created, by His hand
the Master Designer
in His image
to love, as He loves

what the enemy has twisted
turned on edge
and used to harm me
is being restored
I have been claimed
reclaimed
and set free

But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters,
 I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
Isaiah 43:1-2 NLT



 

seeing the ugly idols

Bonnie asked us to share what we are learning about ourselves
at the same time Jennifer Dukes Lee is challenging us
to uncover and face our love idols then surrender them
during Lent and all the days that follow

it isn't easy to look at ugly
and particularly difficult
when the ugly is our own
fully rooted and thriving

I continue to discover how deep
my need to gain approval
of my heart, my thoughts
my words
when I look honestly
I see myself
leaning too hard on comments
virtual pats on the back
blog followers, social networking ego kisses

I think perhaps I write less than I could
or should, permitting fear
to block the flow

for if there is no output to be judged
I won't have to confront the possibility
that my words don't sing to the hearts of others
that my words have no weight, no power
no place to bear fruit

silly, that

for the words are not mine anyway
I have surrendered them
to Him, allowing Him to set the pace
the meter, message,
I am simply a pen
in His hand, the words
already pre-approved

I covet your prayers
as I take this time to soak in truth
allowing it to saturate my heart
silencing seductive lies
and together may we learn
how deep, how wide, how everlasting
is the love He lavishes freely upon us

And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:18 The Message




jamming with Bonnie
 

New name - beloved

names, labels with permanent glue

stick through years

alone

betrayed

lazy useless unwanted

nails carve half moons in palms

gripping so tight to the lies

all He asks for

is our yes

open hands to release

receive, believe

His gift of a new name

beloved

You will no longer be called Abandoned, and your land will no longer be called Deserted. Instead, you will be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land, Married. Because the Lord delights in you, your land will be cared for once again. Isaiah 62:4

 

Accepting the name beloved with Bonnie

 

Thankful for choice

Sharing a bit of a snip from my work-in-progress:

“That was a big dinner” she thought “and I’m so full. But I still want to try to eat more of God.” She sank into the sofa and opened her bible, continuing on where she left off.

You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷ A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit.  Matthew 7:16-17 NLT

“You know what kind of tree you are” the voices sneered.

“Are you going to listen to them?” asked the calm One.

“No, I am not” thought Jessie. “Help me to not hear them.”

“Choose to not listen. Choose.”

“Okay” Jessie whispered aloud. “I only want to listen to you.” She closed her eyes and breathing deeply, drifted into a dream.

She was in surrounded by trees. Everywhere she looked she saw lush green leaves and more types of fruit than she had ever seen before in one place. There were apples of every colour, peaches, pears and every sort of citrus fruit. She wandered from tree to tree and noticed that there was not a single blemish or spot on any of the fruits. Each one looked perfect. She couldn’t resist tasting them, and found each one rich and sweet, totally ripe and ready to eat. The juices dribbled down her chin.

The sound of a car starting in the street below woke her. She laughed when she realized she had been drooling. Not juice, just a dream, a very nice, bright dream.

“Thank you God” she said as she rose to prepare for bed. “Thank you for showing me the good trees and not the rotten trees.”

“You can choose what you want to see” she thought she heard Him answer.

“Choices?” she smiled. “I never thought I had any choices. Might take some getting used to.”



Jamming with Bonnie about gratitude

Sharing with Emily and the others imperfect but loved.

 

Blended promises

I have learned
that man
can twist the truth
side step, embellish
using words
that falsify
or fantasize
but my God says
that He is not
a man
that He should lie
I must hear
His Words as truth
receiving all He promises
He leaves no room
for doubt
says in this world
you will have trouble

Yes troubles come
surprising
with their sting
and in the moment
of catching breath
I must hear
His Words as truth
receiving all He promises
He leaves no room
for doubt
I will never leave you

Promises mixed
in eternal blend
I tip the cup
to drink them all

God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?
 Numbers 23:19 NIV

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

Joining Jason and the other warriior poets talking about difficulties




 

Stand strong

I have been moved by the comments to my post Better Part. 
Read them here.

So many of us have been shaken and troubled
the enemy is busy whispering, shouting, screaming the same lies to all of us.

It's time to stand strong in Christ, resist the enemy and he will flee.

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.  James 4:7 NKJV

We are not worthless, useless, shameful or unable
we are beloved children of the most high God!

It is time to listen only to the One Who is Faithful
The One Who is Truth



Picture from http://dailybibleplan.com/2011/06/10/putting-on-the-full-armor-of-god/

 If this is war, I will not run
It is time to put our armor on!

Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out. Ephesians 6:13-18 The Message