room for tears

This week Diana asks:

Is there room for my tears here? 

my younger self

was never known to cry

perhaps it was scolded out of me

having too often heard

"I'll give you something to cry about"

but my God gave me tears

when I surrendered to Him

my harsh and stoney heart

now I am known

as a woman who weeps

long and deep tears 

born of joy, pain, awe 

and intercession

the tears returned as a gift

to the Giver

the One Who fills

what I empty

I will not return

to the woman I was

no I would not

even if I could

so I answer 

a slightly angled version 

of Diana's question

there is no room here 

for the absence of tears

living into answers with Diana

 

seeking safety

I received the following email earlier this week:

For assignment two of Compassion Blog Month we want you to write three things about one word.

I am reposting a prayer from one year ago today, during another blog month, with thoughts of 9/11/2001 swirling.  The one word I am highlighting is safe or safety

My precious Lord:

Today marks eleven years since the Twin Towers fell in New York City.

Eleven years since acts of violence forever changed the way we live life.

Security has taken top priority, risen up like a golden calf.

We seem to seek safety above all else.

Your life wasn't safe Lord, you lived each moment

knowing that one day you would pay the ultimate price

your blood, your life, given for us.

The winds are howling strong today

trees trembling in a frenzied dance

the wail like a cry in my spirit, a continuous prayer

let me be more like You

dead to myself and alive in You

living for grace, for love, for mercy and justice

There are so many children who have never known safety

they have never lived in what we would call a home

families are broken, shattered with need

help me to care more for them

then my own comfort

The wind howls still

as my prayers continue

help me be a mother to the motherless

a friend to the weak

let me be filled with Your passion, Lord.

I may be the only Jesus they see

may I reflect You, Lord as You are

not as I might imagine You

True light, true love.

The answer to every question, asked or silent.

Through the acts of my heart and hands

may they taste and see that You are good.

This month, the goal is to get 3,160 children sponsored.  If God has been tugging at your heart, this is a great time to visit the Compassion page and extend your heart in sponsorship.

  

Tired body - hungry soul

I am still a bit feverish and congested.  Coughing makes everything hurt and leaves me exhausted.  Making the bed in the morning feels like a major accomplishment.

My body is tired, my soul is hungry.  Where I would usually feast on the Word I haven't had the powers of concentration to read.  I am blessed that I have cultivated the practice of being quiet in His presence.  Today, sitting in the recliner that I call my "Jesus chair" memories of a time seeking His comfort flooded my mind:

In late 2007 Rick and I went to Kampala, Uganda to be part of a Global build team for Watoto Childcare Ministries. Neither of us had ever travelled such a distance. After an 8 hour overnight flight from Toronto to London and a 12 hour wait, we were on our final leg, another 8 hour overnight flight, from London to Entebbe. I had not slept since leaving home, and restlessly envied Rick's ability to sleep.

I was feeling quite sick and tired but still unable to sleep. I was turned a bit sideways and leaned into the seat, trying to imagine myself finding God’s chest for comfort. I sensed He wanted me to stretch myself full out upon Him, for I was very small compared to His greatness, so I turned again, leaning straight back into my seat.

The word He gave to me was:

I will hold you and I will heal you. As you lay upon my chest, in My arms you will find rest

What I felt and pictured was His arms around me - one hand washing me and the other anointing wounds with oil. I wanted to know what I was being anointed for but instead surrendered and said:

"I don't need to know, as long as You know."

The word and vision carried me through the ordeal of jet lag and illness, teaching me that rest, true rest, is found only in Him.

Today I choose to let His presence carry me again.



Jamming with Bonnie about feeding a hungry soul

and joining Emily and other imperfect but loved

Stuck by Jennie Allen

When Graf-Martin Communications approached me with the opportunity to review the new DVD-based Bible study Stuck the places we get stuck & the God who sets us free by Jennie Allen, I couldn't say "yes" fast enough. I was intrigued by what the publisher shared:

We are often so stuck in invisible struggles in our hearts and minds, we barely have space for God. These deep struggles, these stuck places, are familiar to every one of us: brokenness, anger, discontentment, fear, and sadness. Stuck takes on these struggles within us so that we can encounter God. Because until we recognize that we are stuck and in need of God, we will miss what He has for us.

Jennie Allen's Bible studies are designed to draw women close to God and to each other. These shorter studies dig deep quickly, creating experiential conversations and allowing women to wrestle with Scripture in a deep and authentic way throughout the week.

I received a sampler version of the book and a dvd containing small samples from each of the eight sessions.

As I clicked the play button I was quickly set at ease by the soft music and the tone of Jennie's voice as she humbly presented herself as a woman just like the rest of us, broken, unsure and tired of hiding her "stuff" from those around her.  In the introduction Jennie writes:

So my prayer is this study will be a safe place to explore God and your own heart.  The state of our hearts and what we believe about God are the two most important things about us.

This study is intended to be shared in small groups that create a safe place for women to openly share the things they may have been hiding for years and allow God to begin to bring healing and wholeness to those places inside that are broken.

The workbook provides opportunities to dig deeper into scripture, pray, spend time pondering with the Lord, even draw pictures.

I feel as if I have been given an appetizer and it has indeed made me hungry for the rest of the meal.  I need this study and suspect that most of the women I know need it as well.  My mind is busy churning the idea of hosting a small group at my home, seeing a vision of freedom as we break through and become un-stuck!

I received a complimentary sample study from Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.  The opinions I have expressed are my own.