the melody

my muscles, joints

do not agree with the cold

every fibre aching

as I cried out

this is how the Lord responded

when the pain sings

listen to the melody

and find Me there

in the low notes

the long wails

staccato beat

you will hear My voice

draw your strength

from My presence

do not allow the pain

to speak words of exclusion

or disqualification

you are always welcome

in the secret place

come away

abide in Me

season change

multiple trips to the yard

now frosted, Kona the puppy

quickly self-trained

but her whimpers at the door

call for quick response

cold settles in to the deepest

pain in my bones

still, I can appreciate

beauty, snow burdened branches

painted skies

and the hush

of a season that comes

wanted or not

Kona finds a home

today is the last day these walls

will be merely a house

tomorrow our long awaited addition

will transform our living space

into a true home

as our now eight week old puppy

completes our family

we have food, treats, toys

blankets, collar and leash

a crate for her to snuggle in to

and spaces in our hearts

that she will soon fill to overflowing

meet Kona

and stay tuned for updates

as she grows into herself

a finger on it

I can't quite put a finger on it

to quote an old cliche

I carry the emotions

given to me, full force by my Creator

often swept away

cresting waves then

crashing, gulping water instead 

of air, my head submerged

He gives me hills

and valleys, both

to  be savoured

physical pain, shifts

surprising me, in new 

locations, disguises

tones and echos, almost

symphonic in fullness

always its finger on me

unrelenting grip, does this

hurt? how about here?

He gives me hills 

and valleys, both

but dwells with me

up there and down here

 Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; 

do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; 

yes, I will hold you up and retain you 

with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.

Isaiah 41:10 Amplified

too too soon

the beginning of 2014

January through April, perhaps a bit of May

winter slipped under the doors

painted pictures on the windows

while we were lost in dreams

of a life hotter, fuller in Africa

and in August that same year

we left the prairies below us as we flew away

there were visits back

2016, 2018 but always summer

never did I miss the ice

the bitter winds

or the snow, no

not at all

yet, today I find myself here

the sky dull

constant cloud cover 

dripping rain and yes,

snow,  early October

shivering deep beneath my skin

winter hardly begun

the long season of fleece

down, woolly socks and hot tea

is upon me and the thought

of hibernation tantalizes

new snow tires on the vehicle

but oh, if I had my way

I'd remain inside

until Spring's thaw

months and months from here

open heart

my trip to the mountains

resounded with gasps

"wows" and tears

beauty opening my heart 

to unexpected wonder

having seen

I cannot un-see

having felt

I cannot un-feel

what God has done

what God can do

around, in

and even through me

still

the worries of the world

 rush over me

power pounding

attempting to distract

but I find safety

in the Rock

that holds me fast

solid in the chaos

this is what He teaches

this is what I'm learning

be still

know

The Girl Behind the Red Rope by Ted and Rachelle Dekker

Ted Dekker and Rachelle Dekker are the father/daughter duo that co-authored the most nerve rattling novel I have read in a long time, The Girl Behind the Red Rope.

The hills of Tennessee is the hiding place for an extreme, religious community that believes that following impossibly strict rules will keep them faultless, pure and ready for the world to come. Doubters, wanderers and strangers can not be tolerated. Life is lived within a perimeter marked by a red rope.

In this fear based world, it becomes impossible to tell the wolves from the sheep, the darkness from true light.

I read the book aloud to my husband as we travelled long hours cross country. There were many times we were sad to have to take refuelling breaks, so caught up were we in the story.

If you'd like a calm easy read, pass on this book; but if you want to be challenged, baffled and engaged, don't miss The Girl Behind the Red Rope.

An advanced reader edition of this book has been provided courtesy of Graf-Martin Communications. All opinions are my own.

breathless

I have been silent here

for good reason

awed by His creation

now that my breath is back

words will return

Overcomer - a review

I was blessed to view an advance screening of Overcomer, the new film by the Kendrick brothers.

The outer shell of the story is about high school sports: a coach, football players, a young female runner and their families. But the deeper story that weaves through the entire film is about where each one finds their identity. 

As one who has learned the lesson of needing to find my identity in Christ, I found myself nodding in agreement throughout the movie.

Those who found Fireproof, Courageous and other Kendrick films a bit heavy handed with their sharing of faith will probably stumble over the same here. I would hope however that people can watch this with open minds and open hearts, allowing the truth of the message to touch them.

Screening link has been provided courtesy of Sony Entertainment Releasing Canada and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.

ever a door

there is ever a door

ahead, open

or closed, asking

what will we do here?

will we stand, stubborn

afraid to knock

or touch, or push

will we crawl under, squeeze

through, jump high

hurdling over

will we peek through

and uncertain

turn to face another door

another time, another place

there is ever a door ahead

Strive to enter by the narrow door

[force yourselves through it], 

for many, I tell you, will try to enter 

and will not be able.

Luke 13:24 Amplified

thick clouds

friends dear to us

have had their hearts exploded by tragic loss

clouds dark have settled over us all

in my quiet time with the Lord this morning

He spoke these words

in Africa funeral houses fill with wailing cries

this, when there are no words

they do not fear the depth of mourning

this makes sense to you now

your people, your village is shaken

I hear cries that they think they should suppress

there is no need, no reason 

to be strong

I Am the strength for all

stand together in your weakness

those who already have answers

did not hear them from Me

around the curve

I have been frozen in my brokenness

dry, splintered, fragile

the road ahead and behind

rocky, rutted, slippery

hard to see signposts

in clouds of dust

my steps are small, painful

both in body and heart

yet surely the refreshing

the eruption of new life

is waiting, ever waiting

just around the next curve

For I will [fully] satisfy the weary soul, 

and I will replenish every languishing and sorrowful person.

Jeremiah 31:25 Amplified

short hop

travel day

that's usually tiring to even think about

but this is a short hop

mere hours

not the multiple days

to or from Africa

no meals or movies

no free snacks

2-1/2 hours for our first flight

1 hour for the next

as always

we're in His clouds

in His hands

no better place

slow to change

the seasons are slow to change

this year, uncertain

samples of heat, retreat

as cool returns

two weeks into July

and summer has no foothold

this blood, thinned

by African years, shivers

I see the shrugs, hear

the snickers, loud

from those already awash

in sweat and complaints

leaves me wondering

will I ever be warm

will I ever be home

again

excavating

there's a leak in the water line on our street

water is shut off until the problem can be solved

this morning the heavy equipment rolled in

sometimes the only way to fix an issue

is to excavate, dig deep

a noisy, dirty process

exposing hidden things

buried so long ago

you don't remember

would prefer to forget, but

there is no longer any choice

if you want to stop the bleeding

the only way to healing

is down, opening new paths

to freedom

pinks

the glory of pink, bright

bold or muted

shedding joy, without

conscious thought

contagious, breaking 

the pain of the day

shouting life

life

life

tease

summer teases, laughing

joyous colour riot

life explodes

then stills

cool winds fall

farmers fret

and I, unaccustomed

to such weather

drape a shawl

around aching bones

believing surely one day

soon, heat will come

not nomads

hours run into days

days into weeks

we move along, driven

by rhythms uncountable

surely it is time

to settle, pause

end these nomadic seasons

yet the Lord reminds me

your true home is in Me

but I do give your earthly body

a place to settle

a base of operations

a centre from which to reach out

your most important job is love

before all, in all and above all

love Me first

without Me you will not have

the ability or capacity

to love those I place before you

allow My love to work through you

awake with me

sleepy morning

after a night of discomfort

coffee steaming in my hand

I listened for words from the Lord

I Am with you in your pain, never are you alone

the aching in the dark, when the world sleeps?

I Am awake with you.

My promise is true to never leave or forsake you

even when you don't understand, or believe

and cry out "where are you?"

Here, always, knowing what I know.

Be still, little one, give Me the pain.

It's what I can bear when you cannot.

writing room

sitting on our veranda in Zambia
thinking about new life back in Canada
reading writer's books on writing
dreaming, I jotted down the following:

what do I need in my writing space

• a window
• coffee mug - often full
• water
• computer
• pens and highlighters (not sure why if I'm not using paper)
• journals (answer to above)
• comfy work chair
• comfy reading chair
• favourite bible
• books
• dog

in this house, as we settle
no matter how temporary
I have all but the dog

in time, in time

dry

May draws quickly to an end

the ground is dry, cries

for the nourishment of rain

farmers fret, gardeners

itch to plant, flats of flowers

packets of seed, wait

surely there is a time

for new life

so too my spirit thirsts

for promised refreshment

let it rain, let it pour

soak us again 

until joy overflows

not even the cyclone

I have questions, wondering 

about what the next months, years will hold

and the One Who has the answers

gently speaks

Be still

yes, even in the storm

even in the rushing wind

abide in Me

and the cyclone cannot remove you

from My hand

only you, little one

can choose to walk out of My hand

and into the maelstrom

Remain in the place of safety

even if the world is banging on the door

your refuge is wherever I Am

and I Am everywhere

and always.

Come. Stay. 

transition

day had come

but the moon hung strong

in the western sky

the new coming

before the old surrenders

we stop here to breathe

in the middle

while the changes cross

behind and before us

budding new

beauty lives in the fading

as edges begin the slow 

curl, hiding brown decay

full glory has passed

but here, waiting

life is budding fresh

as the cycle continues

so too must I trust

the new thing

that will outshine the old

while my frayed edges

crumble in the breeze

extended light

the horizon cracks early

light splinters, spills

evenings extend long

as the sun tarries

unwilling to retire

I am misled

by years of the equality

of African days and nights

unable to read the hours

dinners are late

as we too,unwilling

to miss a moment

soak in the fullness of time

little things

It is the first days of our return

to rural Canada

a mix of jet lag, laughter

hugs, tears, confusion

and lack of words

yesterday our prodigal suitcases

six large bags, all we could carry

made their way home

exhausted as we unpacked

we rejoiced that nothing was lost

today we opened

the few boxes we had left here

what joy to be reunited

with familiar treasures

a quilt, jewellery box

baking pans

it is little things that lift us

and little things that trip us

and there is One standing strong

calm, all knowing

in the middle of it all

I am returning

to His feet

ever in place

the page has turned

we have arrived back in Canada

as I try to breathe

in the strangeness this morning

the Lord was waiting for me

before I could pick up my pen

if you know you are in Me

in My hands

then even in the rapid fire changes

you need not feel out of place

you are where I have you and hold you

in Africa, In Canada, anywhere

your home is in Me

stay here, do not move

without Me

where could you find more safety

or more peace?

Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. 

[Live in Me, and I will live in you.] 

Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself 

without abiding in (being vitally united to) the vine, 

neither can you bear fruit unless you abide in Me.

John 14:4 Amplified

tears soften the view

through the blur of tears

there is the rainbow promise

time to move on

farewell Africa

Canada - here we come.

red footprints

in 2007, the door swung wide

for us to first step into Uganda

onto Africa's red dirt, warned 

how profoundly we would be 

changed, and we were

it took seven years to return

not to Uganda, but Zambia 

and in Malawi, our hearts 

found home

our future, never certain

is solid as air, God's plans

always a mystery, our feet 

will soon leave the continent

but long the dust will linger

in our hearts

Many plans are in a man’s mind, 

but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand.

Proverbs 19:21 Amplified

not my road

farewells extended

still feel fragile and fleeting

how can a heart shattered

continue to break

eight nights remain

wrapped in African 

velvet darkness, wishing 

for a different end

to this story, knowing

it is not mine to write

He reminded me this morning

journal open, pen in hand

I have never set an easy road before you

will you ask for one now?

Or will you surrender to My plans?

When you pray 

"whatever - for the glory of Your Kingdom"

do you mean it?

When you say "anything"

is it your "anything" or Mine?

Your own ears will hear him.

    Right behind you a voice will say,

“This is the way you should go,”

    whether to the right or to the left.

Isaiah 30:21 NLT

just beyond

April soon will slip away

the rains retreat, to hide in a place

we will not know, umbrellas 

useless now, tightly furled

so too our season in Africa

tumbles towards its end

leaving bumps, scratches

bruises, time alone can heal

yet there, just beyond reach

not quite in focus, waits

an outburst of new

glory unfolding, certain

as life

I show you specified new things from this time forth, 

even hidden things [kept in reserve] which you have not known. 

They are created now [called into being by the prophetic word], 

and not long ago; and before today you have never heard of them, 

lest you should say, Behold, I knew them!

Isaiah 48:6-7 Amplified

bold in beauty

no crisis of identity

this flowers stands

singular, unafraid

no surrounding clusters

uncluttered, no need 

for comparison

bold in her beauty

wild, bright, free

proclaiming the glory

of her Creator

would I be as brave?

If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, 

most of them never even seen, 

don’t you think he’ll attend to you, 

take pride in you, do his best for you?

Luke 12:28 The Message

seeking first

a matter of trust

one day to the next

or moment by moment

as we begin our journey to Canada

in two weeks

we will be in flight

though I have felt mid-air

for months

what to drive

where to sleep

are not yet settled

leaving me tipsy

and grabbing hold

of the only One Who knows

seeking first, last

always

So above all, constantly chase after the realm of God’s kingdom

and the righteousness that proceeds from him. 

Then all these less important things will be given to you abundantly.

Matthew 6:33 The Passion Translation